Dorothy commented on my last post about how she's working on doing her own knitting, at her own pace, and not feeling guilty about it. It's amazing to me, how insidious my guilt is - it creeps in and takes over, and just poisons life. I'm very prone to guilt, and I've come think that there's something in my oddly-wired brain that just pushes me in this direction - to be hard on myself, perfectionistic, guilty...and it's a no-win situation. I work on being "less hard" on myself and then I feel guilty and like a total slacker. This is stuff I've been working on for a good 20+ years now, and I've come a long way, but there's more to do.
For example, in a fit of insanity/generosity, I offered to make fleece socks for an on-line group of friends. I did this before, and I liked doing it. And now, the serger makes sewing the socks really quick and very fun, so it's not a hardship. But, I didn't do any yesterday, and I'm tired tonight. I started the day with an emotional storm - our driveway is very steep and icy and I just about couldn't get the car out. When I thought I was stuck (and took the passneger side mirror off my van on the snowblower which is going to be $500 to fix), and was going to miss some things I both needed and wanted to do, I had...well, let's be honest, a temper tantrum. I cried, I swore, I was angry at myself for damaging the car, pissed at the driveway and just not happy. I did get the other car out and was able to do not only the stuff I needed to do, but some really fun stuff as well. But then I came home and spent an hour and a half chopping ice up on the driveway, and the snowblower broke. So, it's been a day of highs and lows. Wait, what was my point? Oh yes! I'm *tired*. I'm feeling emotionally drained - I'm still working through the end of a friendship, I'm making some new friends which is awesome but scary, I've been really busy lately and I have a lot to do this weekend. So, I don't *want* to make socks tonight, I don't really *want* to do any knitting, I want to research how much it might cost to put a sauna in our basement and read one of my new books from the library and go to bed. So that's what I'm going to do.