Wednesday, March 31, 2010

365-82: Extra Kids

We're at the stage with the boys (6.5 and almost 5) that having an extra kid or two around actually makes it less work for me.

We send our kids to a coop nursery school. We've only done coops, they're a good fit for a family. The in-class work, though, can get challenging when you're juggling other kids. Today was my day to be in the class, so here's how the day went. Get up, do yoga, do all the morning stuff, get DS1 on the bus. Bundle DS2 and DD in the car. Drive to friend's house. Drop off DD, pick up their son. Remember it's a lunch day and I forgot to pack a lunch. Friend offers snacks and I accept. Take the boys to school. Spend the morning in the classroom. Friend drops DD off at 11:45, and she and I go home. Feed her, get DS1 off the bus at 12:25 (early release today), give him some food, go back to school and pick up Ds2 and friend. Come here, get DD down for nap. Boys are playing, somewhat harmoniously. Do some chores. Things get less harmoniously, separate DS1 out for a bit. Now I need to wake up DD, get all kids back into the car, go drop of friend then go to karate. We'll be home around 5, and it's occurring to me that I've forgotten to plan dinner. *eyeroll* All this work is really interfering with my bon-bon eating and story-watching. Because isn't that all stay-at-home-moms do? :)

So, today I am grateful that this play-date has gone relatively smoothly, so I've gotten some time to catch up on a couple of tasks that I've had hanging over me.

Knitting and Crafting

I've actually been doing some things other than pondering big life stuff and grieving.

I finished a prayer shawl. It's actually a little small, I'm wishing I'd done another pattern repeat. The pattern was this one, La La's Simple Shawl, and it is, indeed, very simple! I used Lion Suede and didn't have any of the color issues I've had with other skeins of this. This yarn is a bit less enjoyable to knit with, but does make a lovely cozy fabric. It appears to have been discontinued, I can't find it on their website. Ah well. I used two skeins of it, and had very little left, so another pattern repeat would have opened a 3rd skein.

I've been working a bit on my Forest Canopy shawl and I want to get my sister's Swallowtail shawl done too. A friend was asking for hat patterns for babies and now I want to cast on a baby hat even though I don't really have a baby anymore to knit cute little hats for!

I also was on a fleece sock kick. Not only did I make myself several pairs, I ended up making 17 pairs for Plurk friends. Yes, I'm a bit crazy but I did use up a whole bunch of my fleece! I used the Green Pepper pattern, and it's really good.

Sorry, no pictures at the moment. I've got some saved on my phone, maybe I'll do a phpto post from the phone in a bit!

Sunday, March 28, 2010

365-81: Lots to ponder...

DH and I have lived in our town for 2 years, 3 months now. For me, it truly feels like home. I've got a wonderful and large group of friends that I truly love, and feel very connected too. It's rare for me to go to the grocery store without running into someone I know. I'm on the Board at the nursery school, I'm in the PTA, I'm involved in three separate knitting groups. I feel so lucky and blessed at the community I've been able to be part of here.

It's not the same for DH. He commutes into the city daily, which is 1 hr 20 min each way, and he's just not a commuter kind of guy. On the weekends, he spends time with his family, he works on the house, occasionally he gets some alone time. As the kids get older, our weekends are starting to get filled with their activities as well. Soccer on Saturdays, birthday parties, etc. I think DH feels like he hasn't really found his place here. In order to help facilitate that for him, we've been attending church.

We started at the local UU church, but just as we got there, the minister left, and then they took the summer off, we had another baby, and got derailed. When we talked about whether we were going to return there, I realized that regardless of where I am in my journey with religion, I needed my Church to have more, well God in it. I was raised Episcopalian but haven't been a participant in a long time. I was pretty serious about it as a kid and teenager, and even at one time wondered if I was called to the ministry. In more recent years, I've been quite drawn to Buddhism. DH was raised Congregational but is pretty firmly in the Atheist camp at this point. We're in really different places with this, which is fine. We decided to check out the Congregational Church in town. DH was drawn to it because "the parking lot is always full." And they do all sorts of things in the community.

We had a THING that we learned about the Church that had me questioning if it was the place for us, and while that was resolved entirely satisfactorily, I am feeling more and more strongly that while I really like the community and the people of this Church, it's just not the right fit for me spiritually. I am sure that the reason the Episcopal church feels right to me is simply because I was raised there, but I can't argue anymore that this is how I feel.

What does all this have to do with gratitude? Well, for one, I'm so thankful to live in a country where I can have this struggle, where we have freedom of religious choice, and I'm so thankful to live in a country where we have freedom FROM religion at all, where I don't have to lie about the fact that my husband is an atheist. In this current climate in our country, I feel that so many have lost the respect and tolerance for differing and opposing viewpoints. It's unfortunate. But anyway, I was talking about gratitude. So I'm thankful to have this freedom in my life.

I'm also thankful that I have the marriage I do, with the man I married. I'm thankful that we can have this difference, which is a deep one, and yet still be completely committed to each other and supportive of helping each other get our needs met. There's not a clear and easy answer to our dilemma here, but I know we'll work it out.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

365-80: my sweet kitty

So things didn't go quite as expected today. We didn't end up putting my girlie to sleep, there's a couple of things we're going to try to attempt to boost her quality of life. It's weird, I'm still sad and worried. It's another profound lesson about living in the present moment. Being here now. I am reminded once more about what's important, and really, it just comes down to love. I have told my sweet kitty how much I love her, how lucky I am to have had so many years with her, and how grateful I am, how profoundly grateful I am for all she's taught me.

The other thing I am so deeply grateful for is the outpouring of love and support we've received. Not one person has suggested my grief is an overreaction, or that I should get over this because she's "just" a cat. Maybe some are thinking it but not one person has been anything but loving and supportive. I've gotten so many messages of sympathy and understanding of how hard this process is, I feel like I've got a lot of people who get it. But then, I'm an animal person and pretty much all of my close friends are animal people too.

And right now I'm grateful that I have my sweet girl sitting on my chest, purring softly.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thursday, March 25, 2010

365-79: My sweetie

Today I am reminded once again why I married the man I did. He's an amazing partner, friend, father, love, and just an amazing, wonderful person.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

365-78: 2010 so far...

It's not been so great. Lots of annoyances: sickness, pain, frustration and while we haven't had a major loss here (yet), friends suffering big losses.

It's easy to feel gratitude when things are going well. It's easy to count my blessings when things are smooth sailing and just simple, you know? It's these sorts of times when it gets tougher. And, I expect, much more important.

We're putting my darling cat to sleep on Saturday. We haven't told the kids yet. It's time. I had made an appointment a week and a half ago, then canceled it because it wasn't quite time, but now it is. She's losing weight so quickly, she's seeming more and more's time. I'm heartbroken about it. She and I have been together 16.5 years and she's been the constant for me. I'll miss her forever.

So today, right now, I'm grateful to have her with me, to have had such a good long run and to be able to ease her transition to the next phase of being, whatever that might be. I'm sure there is one. I love you, my sweet girl.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

365-77: ew.

Something smells really gross in my laundry, I think it's spoiled milk. Sorry, you really didn't need to know that, I got distracted!

Today I'm really grateful for access to the CVS Minute Clinic. The lovely nurse had me in and out in 20 minutes, diagnosed my ear infection and gave me a script for amoxicillin. And they take my insurance, which I feel so fortunate to have.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, March 15, 2010

365-76: It's the little things.

We had a good morning. I managed to get everything moving early so we weren't crazy people at bus time. I got DS1 on the bus, DS2 dropped at Preschool, and went to my chiro appointment. A friend was supposed to come over but her baby is really sick so she's at the hospital with him. I really hope he's okay. So DD and I are hanging out. We had homemade sour cream coffee cake (pretty good) and I splurged on Chai and she had milk. She playing and I'm sitting, listening to the rain, enjoying a moment where we have nowhere to be but here. I should go clean the playroom, but you know what? It'll be there in 20 minutes.

I am grateful for these moments if peace in life that often feels so full and hectic.

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Sunday, March 14, 2010

365-75: Gratitude

Interestingly enough, today's sermon at church was on gratitude. Our pastor (okay, in my heart I'm an episcopalian, we don't have pastors, we have priests) suggested "Blessed are the grateful, for they know they do not stand alone". I like that thought. I've been missing this journal. I've been missing my gratitude practice. I've been working on not beating myself up over not doing a great job lately, but I want to do better.

So, today I'm grateful for the church we've joined. They've made us do welcome and it's always thought provoking, regardless of where I am in my own belief process.

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Friday, March 12, 2010

If you can't say something nice....

I need to get back into this blog and gratitude list. I think it really helps me. We've had a rough few weeks, low-level health stuff but just ongoing. Colds, ear infections...then I got the stomach flu and hurt my back and now we all have another wretched cold. I need to be reminded, to remind myself that it's not that bad. I do know this but when you're so tired and just don't feel can be hard to remember.

I've been crafting, sewing fleece socks and working a bit on my prayer shawl, so I'll try to do some pictures/posts of that stuff too.

And now, TGIF.

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