Monday, November 02, 2009

365-5: No Sleep

So, last night, my daughter woke up at 2:00 am. This had nothing to do with the time change, I think, but lately she's just been having trouble sleeping. This time, unfortunately, she didn't go back to sleep at all. For a long time (a couple of hours at least), she was fine as long as I was with her. She wanted to be held at first, so I did hold her, and then she was willing to go back to bed. She lay there quietly with her eyes open, just looking at me. Even though I was *quite* irritated to be awake in the middle of the night for a long period, I tried to put that aside and just be present in the moment with her. She's our third, and last child, headed towards 18 months and no longer a baby at all. She's incredibly independent and active, so even though she's really affectionate, I don't get a lot of the cuddle-time anymore that I got when she was tiny. I realized that even though I was exhausted and really wanted to sleep, I was also so grateful to have that time with her, in the dark and the still night, listening to the boys breathing and just holding her, feeling her clinging to me in absolute love and trust.

I am so thankful, so incredibly grateful for my beautiful daughter, more than words can express. I am so profoundly grateful for the love she holds for me, and the love I hold for her - so much love, it doesn't feel like my body can quite contain it. How did I get so lucky?

Justice is when you get what you deserve.
Mercy is when you don't get what you deserve.
Grace is when you get what you don't deserve.
- Author Unknown

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