Thursday, November 26, 2009

365-27: Not Quite What We Planned

So, when we last left it, we were still going to try and make it to my hometown for Thanksgiving. Then, while I was folding laundry, I twisted the wrong way and something in my lower back went SPROING and OW. It wasn't quite as terrible as the thing I did a few months ago but it was Not Good. I wasn't feeling too nauseous anymore but a deep pain took over. I was still thinking and scheming about how we might still be able to go, when my DH took DD's temperature because she felt a bit warm before going to bed...and she was at 101. Armpit.

I gave up. I surrendered. Clearly, the Universe did not want us, my parents (who had been planning to come down here instead) or DH's parents (who had been planning to meet us in VT at my folks' house but got sick and cancelled a couple of days ago) driving this weekend and was willing to keep throwing stuff at us until we said OKAY ALRIGHT I GET IT ALREADY!!! So, we made the final call, and I cried. Pain, I will admit, makes me a bit of a baby. It's not that I can't handle it - I've given birth three times. I did 36 hours of hard labor before I got an epidural, I can handle pain, but it does wear at you and I was just so disappointed. I just really wanted to be home.

So, today, instead of driving and being with family, I've been trying to reintroduce food into my system here. DH took the boys off to the park for a couple of hours and I had a couple of hours to play with DD. We have had a completely low-day: no turkey, no stuffing, no delicious sides, no pie. I had plain noodles for dinner, as did DS2 (just because). The others had sauce too. I've spent a lot of time lying still, and my back is definitely feeling better. I'm hoping that tomorrow my belly will be up for a nice dinner, but if it doesn't happen, that's okay. It can happen Saturday. Or not at all.

I am reminded of those lines from How the Grinch Stole Christmas,

"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling
How could it be so?
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
It came without packages boxes, or bags!
And he puzzled and puzzled, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more."

Maybe Thanksgiving means more than turkey or pie, maybe even more than traveling to be with loved ones that you don't see that often. I think, this year at least, Thanksgiving means basking in that gratitude for all the blessings of my life, enjoying my family and home, and sending out that love into the world.

Knowing how blessed I am makes me want to give back, give more. I'm still not sure how to do it, but it's hard not to feel guilty for all that we have, when so many are hungry, or sad, or alone.

Blessed be, all. Happy Thanksgiving.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Aww, I wish you didn't feel guilty. Grateful, of course, but you didn't inflict any of that on anyone. If you were worse off, no one else would be the better for it.