Monday, September 13, 2010

Here we go.

I just spent a bunch of time writing a post, all about pain and sadness and blah blah blah. I decided to delete it because I am just bored with it. For some reason this morning a bunch of stuff from the past kept cropping up in my mind. Memories of past losses, relationships that ended, professional disappointments, friendships lost.

Just like I spent too much time pre-suffering pain that hasn't even (and probably won't) come to me, I have historically spent way too much time in the past. Not to say that it's not a necessary part of healing and growth, but rather it's just something I do too much. There can be a fine line between processing and wallowing, and man, do I love a good wallow.

So, instead of trying to come up with some sort of profound insight that's really just a cliche (love's worth it! everyone has pain!), I am going to go DO something. I've got an unexpected chunk of time - my boys are in school ALL DAY today, both of them, and my daughter is sleeping the blessed nap. I think I'm going to go make some fleece socks.

And I'll just say on the gratitude front, today I am profoundly grateful for the health of my children. And little Karlee, I'm holding you in my heart, sweetie.

1 comment:

timelady said...

As someone who has chronic pain, you are actually dealing with it in an incredibly healthy manner. That is admirable. Do not be so tough on yourself.

Writing it out is great therapy.

We all fall into it you know. Recognising we have been there too long, and getting ourselves out, is hard. Really hard. Some people never manage it.

So give yourself a pat on the back...

(And when i am having an awful day, i count my five healthy children, and think how damn lucky i am....)