Saturday, April 11, 2009

Non-Knitting Life

I don't think I've knit a stitch all week. It's been one of those weeks, we've been crazy-busy with school, life, playing with friends, enjoying the beginning of spring weather. We had a picnic on the back deck yesterday! I'm also struggling with some bad news on the kitty front.

We have two elderly kitties, one (A) I've had since she was about 5 weeks old, and she'll be 16 this year, and the other (L) came to me through my horrible ex-BF, so I've known her for 14 years, and she's been mine for 12. we think she's at least a year older than A, maybe more. L is just wasting away. She's now down to 4.9 pounds (and this was a cat who got very plump after she was spayed, over 12 pounds). She's got bowel disease, we believe. There's not much we can do, but keep her comfortable. She's still HER, still marching around demanding petting and love, but I don't think we've got long with her. Even the vet, when looking at L, said "I think we're coming to the end." and "I think if she goes below 4 pounds, we should consider euthanizing her." A is now manifesting kidney disease and is also losing weight. We need to figure out how aggressively we want to treat it. It's going to be really hard for A when L goes too.

It's so hard to think of losing them, to know it's coming. They've been part of my life for a long time, much longer than my husband and kids. We've been through some really hard times together. I'm working on not pre-suffering too much, but it's a delicate balance, to live in the moment with them while keeping a strict eye on not letting things go too far.

I also struggle with the guilt of knowing how far down the list they've moved in terms of how much time and attention is alloted to them. Since having children, I haven't had anywhere near as much available for the "girls" (as we call them). Now I'm just feeling sad. DH would like to have more cats, and part of me would like that too. The other part of me is just feeling like I've been sucked a bit dry by all the need around me and perhaps it would be good to renew a bit before jumping back in.

The huge thing, of course, is how much the boys love L and A, and how we're going to explain it to them.

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