Life with A, our Fresh Air Fun kiddo, Day 1

We all survived the first day! Apparently A was very, very nervous. His mom called this afternoon and said he "cried and cried" this morning. He seemed pleased to be here though, and he settled in with the kids very well, playing and having fun. During dinner, he got very quiet and seemed very sad, missing his mom. After dinner, we had ice cream cones and walked down to the lake, where he very much enjoyed that classic game, "Throw Stuff in the Water." We came back here, had every take showers, and got everyone into bed. An hour later, it seems to have settled down.

I think he's a tad overwhelmed - big shocker there! On a quiet day, my kids are loud and intense. Gee, I wonder where they got that personality trait from? Hmm. I really hope he has a good time and enjoys himself! He already told me that our neighborhood was "really different from Brooklyn!"

I am not entirely sure what to do tomorrow. In the afternoon, we'll go down to the lake (the boys have swim lessons) but we have a morning to fill...

The Endless Ikea Trip

I just spent 7 hours on an Ikea trip with my children. And I'm not even insane. :)

I needed to go to Ikea - we're hosting a Fresh Air Fund child next week, and needed, you know, an actual bed for him, and it's time to move my daughter out of her toddler bed *sniff* into her Big Girl Bed, so we decided to purchase a bunk bed. Of course, the one we have that we really like is no longer in production, so we got a very simple wood one. It was actually really cool having all three kids with me there! I feel like we're turning a corner, both with the youngest, who's now three and is just turning into a big kid, and with my oldest, who's so intense. We're using an herbal supplement to treat his anxiety and it's helping SO SO much. So, we got the bed, we got a book shelf, we got furniture for our new screened in porch, we got linens...we got just about everything! I was very excite because I got a lounging chair for me! I really want a nice wicker one with arms and a curved back, but they're...let's just say, they're not in my price range at the moment. So not only did I find a decent second choice at Ikea, it was $40 off! And the chairs I had really liked for the table out there (built by my sweetie) which I had deemed nice but too expensive, were $20 off per chair! I hadn't planned to get them but that seemed like a good deal to me.

With infusions of meatballs, mac and cheese, hot dogs and fro yo, the kids held it together so amazingly well! I think by the end I was more cranky than any of them!!

And now, tomorrow, I get to look forward to putting all of this stuff together!

Home again, home again!

We had a LOVELY 4th of July long weekend out in the Berkshires. There was swimming in the lake, kayaking, lounging around, drinking of wine, and lovely food. I am incredibly lucky that not only did I get an awesome husband when I married my sweetie, I also got a fabulous extended family! For example, my MIL was in the room when I gave birth, all three times, and actually cut the cord of my second son - all by my invitation. I know most folks don't have that kind of relationship with their MIL and I do know how lucky I am!

It is, however, SO good to be home! Today feels like our first real day of summer vacation! I'm hoping to get some stuff done, and to have some lazing around fun. I finally got my paper calendar reconciled with my Google calendar, and now I feel like I know where we need to be and when, which is always a good feeling. I'm not naturally organized AT ALL, so I often feel like I'm just barely keeping up. (So much so that I think it's time for me to explore actual ADD meds.)

I did some crocheting while away - I did another little bear hat, it's very cute! Probably the right size for a 12 month old. I find sizing always baffling - I feel like I take all these measurements, do all the calculations and get different answers depending on which measurement I use. Ah well, it's all for fun, right?

I'm now feeling like I really want to crochet a baby blanket!

Happy Anniversary!

11 years today!!

In those 11 years, we've:

moved 5 times

spent a year apart while I completed my predoc internship

bought a condo

bought a house

sold a condo

bought a car and a minivan

had 4 pregnancies and 3 births

seen me complete grad school and get licensed

seen him change jobs and find a company and work that he's loved and grown with

gained and lost 2 ferrets

lost the lovely Lula cat

gained the boy kitties

and all the countless other events that make up a life together

When I met my husband, I was 28, and recently out of a really, really bad relationship (think abusive heroin addict), and I wasn't looking for the love of my life. I was looking to make my life amazing by myself. Maybe that's why I was ready? Who knows. All I know is that I am thankful every single day that the universe brought this amazing person into my life. He's wicked smart, wicked funny, and incredibly loving and generous. He's got more integrity than just about anyone I know. Before I met him, I was able to articulate my relationship philosophy as this: "I want someone who thinks he's the luckiest person in the world to be with me, and who believes he deserves someone like me." It still takes my breath away that I actually managed to find that person.

Happy anniversary, sweetie!

Exhausted

2 trips down, 1 to go.

Our time in VT was really good, but it's tiring as well. As wonderful and supportive as my parents and sister are, they aren't co-parents. Nobody slept well, so I'm just tired.

We're also making the decision to put one of our cats to sleep. I don't think we need to do it tomorrow, but I also think it's probably going to be in the next month or so. I am heartbroken, but it's the right thing. It's just about time. She's just about 18, and I've had her since she was 6 weeks old. She's part of my...not youth exactly, but absolutely my growing up. We had thought we were going to put her to sleep 15 months ago, and then the vet offered some things to try to improve her quality of life. They helped, a lot, but we're pretty much back to where we were.

This is what I wrote (on LiveJournal!) on March 23, 2010 for her, and it is as true today.

We've made the decision, we're putting A to sleep on Saturday. We came close a couple of weeks ago, but I was so deeply ambivalent that I canceled the appointment. I don't think it would have been a mistake then, but I felt wrong about it, but now I don't know. Amazing what a difference even a week makes. She's losing ground pretty quickly, she's losing weight, she's seeming more and more uncomfortable. She seems just...done. We're having a week of lots and lots of love and scritches and purring, which is good.

This is so hard. The waiting is so hard. I know, in a weird way, it will be easier when she's gone. But oh man, I am going to miss her.

I got A on Sept. 11, 1993, from Angell Memorial. She was about 6 weeks old. My sister went with me. I was living in my studio on Highland Ave in Somerville: we took the bus to Lechemere, and the E line all the way to the end and walked up the hill. It was too early, they weren't even open so we went to some random dive bar and had chicken wings. As soon as I saw her, I knew she was mine. KNEW IT. She was so little, so feisty, so funny and cute.

A was definitely weaned too early, she had a lot of the craziness associated with that, but it was okay. I think we fell in love with each other, and she was mine. She loved to sit on my shoulders and suck on the back of my head. It's how I knew N was The One for me - she did it to him the first time she met him (and then never again!).

She had SO MUCH ENERGY! She caromed all over the apartment.

She went with me everywhere I moved. She's lived all over Somerville, San Francisco, Madison, and Littleton.

When I got her, I had just moved to Somerville from Davis (CA) after being dumped by W, my college love. She's THAT cat, you know? She saw me through so much, so many hard times, and so much joy too. She saved my life (she and L), she gave me something to live for that was so hands-on and immediate, when all the other things I had to live for seemed so distant. I had to survive, she needed me. She taught me not just how to receive unconditional love, she taught me how to give it.

She saw me finally get my shit together, fall in love with N and build a family with him.

I am so thankful that she's been with me, one of the great loves of my life (and if the fact that one of the great loves of my life is a cat is pathetic, so be it), and I'm going to miss her for the rest of my life.

Home and then away again.

Back from CA, and then off to VT tomorrow! I don't think I do well with lots of travel, but these trips just lined up this way. (And we get back from VT on Wednesday and head out the Berkshires on Friday.) I'm really tired. I am *so* glad I went to CA. It was wonderful to spend time with my friend, and I think I was actually able to be helpful. And really, cleaning someone else's house is so much more fun than cleaning one's own!

I will say, I *really* enjoyed the travel part! I like traveling in general, and doing it alone was delicious! I read, listened to music (the only bummer is that the Kindle app on the iPhone seems to be a bit of a battery hog), and...KNIT! Yes, I did!!

I frogged my other Swallowtail and decided to try again with a different yarn: specifically, Dream in Color Starry in Midnight Derby. It's gorgeours! I got through 8 pattern repeats of the leaf lace, and I'm definitely excited to keep going! Especially since it's June 24th and 62 degrees! I think a shawl might be in order.

So, one of the things I did (sorry, total subject change there) while in CA was I visited Davis, the town I moved to after I graduated from college. I got to drive around, see my old apartments, where I used to work...it was really trippy. It brought up some really conflicting emotions - in some ways I was happy there, but in many ways, I really wasn't. It's hard to remember how painful life used to be, but also really amazing to see how far I've come, how much it's NOT painful these days! Of course, it's been 20 years (yikes!), so I hope I've grown a bit.

Going Back to Cali!

So in less than 36 hours, I'll be on a plane to Northern California. BY MYSELF. The reason for the trip is sort of bittersweet - I'm going to help a friend who needed a total knee replacement. I am so sad that she needed yet another surgery but I'm so, so hopeful that this will change her life and really, really improve it. I'm excited to be able to offer actual concrete help, and I'm really looking forward to the traveling. I actually like to travel and I'll be by myself. Reading. Knitting. Listening to tunes. Sleeping! Should be cool. Sadly, I don't think I'll be able to hook up with my West Coast NoCal peeps, I don't think there's going to be time. I would LOVE to go back to Davis, the town where I lived for 2 years right after college, but I think I may be too busy. I'm there to cook, clean, and drive little kids around.

So, I need a good knitting project. I think my current Swallowtail, while beautiful, is doomed. I lost the pattern I'd made notes, I have no idea where I was, I tried to figure it out and screwed it up, so I'm just going to say SCREW IT. I have some other yarn I'm thinking about trying for Swallowtail. I'm not 100% convinced lace and variegated go together, but I don't love knitting with solid color yarn. So tomorrow, one of the many things I need to do is rummage in my yarn and see what I have. I do want to do Swallowtail, I really love it as a pattern. So, we'll see. MAYBE when I get back, I'll have some knitting for you?? Also, I need to bring a mindless sock to do as well, so I can have some sitting and chatting knitting available.

Food for Thought...

It's a seriously cold and rainy day here in Massachusetts (though no tornados, thank goodness!). I've been reading a book that's really pushing me to think a lot about what we're eating. Animal, Vegetable, Miracle is fascinating, well-written, and a fun read. I'm about half-way through it, and find myself grappling with all sorts of questions about how we're eating. Coupled with the fact that about 4 times in the last couple of weeks, I've had people raving to me about how much a gluten-free/casein-free diet has helped their child (typically spectrum kids, which my son is not...well, not technically, but close, IMO), AND with getting some less-than-fabulous cholesterol results from my recent physical, it feels like the Universe is sending me a big message about how I'm treating my body, and how I'm feeding my family.

The author talks about the idea of food as an ethical choice. Now this is, of course, not an idea that's new to me, but I've mainly thought about it in relationship to meat. Most of the meat we eat comes from our meat CSA, and I love it. But Kingslover also talks about the environmental impact of eating non-local foods, and out-of-season foods. One of the questions I am feeling pushed to answer is "is my preference for something enough of a reason to make an immoral (for lack of a better term) choice?" An example: I'm not a huge chicken breast fan, so I purchase chicken thighs, which I like better. As I'm reading this book, I'm thinking that just the fact that I *like* them better is really not a good enough reason to participate in the mass-produced chicken market.

So, what are some things we can do to make a difference? We're joining a produce CSA for the summer. I'm super-excited about this, because (1) it couldn't be more local, and (2) I think what we'll get will be a better fit than the CSA we did two years ago. (Lovely people on that farm, but it was just too far). We're also splitting this one with friends, so that'll be cool too. I think I'm going to say that for a while, we need to eat only the meat from the CSA. We have a 10 lb share, and we're splitting that with another friend. We need to eat up what we have in our freezer, and I'm going to resolve not to buy any other meat. Hmm, what about sandwich meat? I'll have to think about this. Personally, I need to cut way, way back on my cheese consumption. I love cheese, I really do, but I think I need to remember that my grandfather died of heart disease, my dad had a quadruple by-pass a few years ago, and it's time to really make some changes. For awhile there, I was making myself a salad for lunch every day, and I need to get back to that. I think it's also probably worth it to find out if my son has a gluten or casein sensitivity, since making either of those diet changes will be a large endeavor.

This is hard for me to do. As I think I've mentioned before, I had a very serious and long-term eating disorder, and a huge and important part of my recovery was making all foods allowable and acceptable. I think figuring out how to make these changes without falling back into the eating-disorder mind-trap is going to be hard. Even though it's for good and healthy reasons, that thinking is never too far from me.

Derailed.

That's how I'm feeling these days. Like I've just gotten off track somehow and I'm not sure what I need in order to get back ON track. I feel like my house is a mess and I am constantly chasing, trying to keep up with it. I know there's a ton of stuff coming up in the next few weeks and I think I've not put it all on the calendar, which is making me anxious. I'm going to CA in 2 weeks from today, to help a friend, which is awesome but also I'm anxious about it, in terms of leaving things in chaos. Money is super-tight right now, and every time I turn around, there's another expense. *sigh*

I know in a few weeks, it'll be so much calmer. School will be out, and I think we all need the break!!

After :)

Too much to think about!

1. We survived back-to-back birthday weekends! *phew* Of course my oldest was diagnosed with Strep 2 hours before my daughter's birthday party.

2. Tomorrow night I'll be participating in my town's Relay for Life, a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society. It's an overnight walk - and I've been assigned the 2 am slot for my team. I'd be a bit more psyched if it hadn't been so wet and rainy and depressing, and if I weren't getting over the cold from HELL, which has lasted a good 10 days now. I'm looking forward to it. I'm walking in honor of my dad, a 2-time cancer survivor, and many others. Particularly I'm remember a woman who had a profound influence on my life, who died of breast cancer.

3. We're signing up to host a Fresh Air Fund child this summer! The two coordinators came over and interviewed us and toured the house - which the kids had trashed, it's appalling. *sigh*

4. What else....OOOO, I'm cutting all my hair off on Saturday, I CANNOT WAIT!!!!! It's really long now:

I can't wait to have it GONE!

Enough with the gloom and doom!

Okay, time to focus on something fun! We're having a busy May in this household - DS2 turned 6 on Saturday! I can't quite believe it! He had 8 buds over for a party, and some wonderful sharing soul gave us all a horrible cold. :) And, my daughter, my baby girl, is turning THREE on this Saturday! Again, how is this possible? She's a total little person!! I am reminded again of how completely lucky I am, how wonderful they are. It's a bit challenging for DS1, who really likes to be in charge and have the attention, but it's a good life lesson to learn - sometimes it's NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. He's doing great but there's been some strain.

So - where are we at. It's mid-May, 6 more weeks of school and then it's all kids, all summer. I decided this year that instead of doing camps, we're doing classes. I think we do better with a regular schedule, and it's going to leave lots of free time for playing, swimming, hanging out. Hopefully the weather will cooperate!

I want and need to get motivated on my own crafting. I have a bunch of fleece socks to wash and send out, which is a bit of an organizational nightmare so I've been putting it off. I need to write up a cover letter and send in my CV for a job I'm interested in. I have lots more decluttering to do here, and of course, knitting/crocheting/sewing. I think I just need to pick on craft project and just commit to it, maybe an hour a day or so. I think I'd feel less overwhelmed if I were getting things done!

Sometimes life is just hard and sad.

I'm feeling both very thankful that all is okay in my immediate circle, but I feel like I'm hearing a lot of terrible news. A friend's husband died, another friend's mother died, another acquaintance has been diagnosed with cancer, and now a childhood friend of my husband's has committed suicide, while this woman's brother is, at most, days away from dying of ALS (at about age 45).

Suicide just breaks my heart, and makes me so, so angry. I don't even know who to be angry at, you know? It's not that I don't get being that depressed - I do. I really, really do. But I can't help but be angry at the people who succeed, about the devastation they leave behind. Angry at a world that crushes people so that suicide seems like the only possible option. Angry at...I don't know. Just angry. And sad.

I wish I had some sort of deep insight or faith, about why bad things happen. I'm not someone who believes every thing happens for a reason. I think sometimes horrible things just happen. I do believe we can learn and grow through pain, and that grace can come from terrible experiences, but that sure doesn't make it any easier, does it.

Uff da, as my swedish in-laws would say, downer of a post! I guess what I'm trying to hold on to is remember the joy in the world as well. It's not *all* pain - there's so much to love and appreciate, and that's important too. I guess that's what makes the pain bearable.

Where does the time go?

Today my youngest son is 6 years old. How is this even possible?? Next week, my daughter, my youngest child, turns 3. This feels really significant to me - she is now the age he was when she was born. My oldest will be 8 in September.

My youngest son is, in my completely unbiased opinion, just a wonderful soul. He's my snuggler, my peace maker. He's sweet, sensitive, funny, silly, smart, connected, and just an all-around lovely little guy. He's incredibly endearing. He has this sweet little voice, these huge blue eyes, and the brightest smile. He loves dancing, singing, dinosaurs, imagination games, his stuffed tiger, his tiger suit. We gave him an explorers outfit with accessories today, and he put it on to take a walk and had me take pictures of him demonstrating each thing (the lantern, the binoculars, etc.). Everyone who deals with him, as far as I can tell, really enjoys him. His teachers just love him and tell me all the time how sweet and wonderful they think he is. He's just a joy to be around, even when he's being a pill, and I cannot fathom life without him.

Happy birthday, my darling boy.

Rest in Peace, Krista.

I didn't know Krista Dittmeyer, but I am haunted by her disappearance and death. The circumstances of her disappearance, specifically, the fact that her young daughter was found alive in the car, are so awful, so painful to think about, that I cry every time I do. A 14 month old is old enough to know that her mother isn't there. As a woman, especially as a mother, it just breaks my heart. In a strange way, I'm thankful she was found so quickly, that her family doesn't have to live with the agony of not knowing.

It also just enrages me. Perhaps I am jumping to conclusions, but there's no evidence that I've seen that suggests she was suicidal or mentally ill. There's no evidence to suggest she put herself in that pond. So someone - no, let's be clear, most likely some MAN - put her there. Not to say that women don't do awful, abusive things, or commit horrible acts. They do. But typically women don't kill other women this way.

I, like so many women I know, live with that undercurrent of fear. Now, I'm a survivor of violence, so I'm probably more wary than most, but I think most women in the US know that they can be victimized. Either by a stranger, or much more commonly, by someone they know. This isn't just an individual experience, it's a cultural phenomenon that leaves me so angry I can barely speak.

And, of course, now I'm the mother of a girl. I am coming to believe that just as I think the ability to swim competently is a necessary life skill, maybe self-defense should be seen the same way for young girls and women. My oldest son has started karate, and I am determined that my daughter will study as well. My younger son has loved gymnastics, but told me recently that he wants to study karate as well. Maybe I should join them.

Survived April Vacation!

I am so ready for a good night's sleep!! A few months ago I concocted a plan for this vacation which included driving from here to outside of Philly to see my SIL's family for a few days, and then going to NYC. When I told my friends who live in Queens that we'd be doing this, they INSISTED that we stay at their apartment. It's huge (and free) so we accepted gratefully!

We headed off last Sunday. The 6 hour drive took about 8 hours, what with lunch breaks, potty breaks, missed exits and flooding detours. Our days with the family were great! We took the kids too an amazing park which included an 8-story wooden play castle! The next day all the boys headed off to the Philly Zoo while the girl and I hung out, as she had spiked a 104 fever (OF COURSE SHE DID). Wednesday, we headed off to NY.

We got the key to my friend's apartment, dropped our stuff off, hopped on the E train and headed to MOMA. We were there to see Van Gogh's Starry Night at the request of my oldest son. He was amazed by it, it was so cool to see. We looked at some other paintings but the kids were pretty fried, so we headed back to the apartment. We made the kids a simple dinner, and the adults ordered Chinese food later.

Thursday we had tickets to the Statue of Liberty. It was...a challenging day, made more difficult by the TWO HOUR WAIT just to get through security to get on the damn ferry. The kids did not handle it well, in part because we'd screwed up the timing of food so they'd had a bagel snack but no lunch so everyone was whiny. Once we got there and got food into everyone, it was better. I also hadn't taken into account the fact that my oldest son is quite afraid of heights, so the amazing view was lost on him. We had pedestal tickets, which was more than enough for us!

Friday we got up and out of the apartment and got to the American Museum of Natural History before it opened. It was *packed* (no school in NYC on Friday) but the line moved fast. We got tickets to the Sauropod exhibit that just opened, which was pretty cool. Before we went up, we saw the one mummy they have, which was sufficient, and then did dinosaurs. We were there about 2 hours, which exceeded my expectation. I could have done way more, but we were out of time. We ate lunch and then walked around Central Park and watched a wedding.

Today we got on the road and had a good trip back. I had gotten LOTS of stories on DVDs from the library and the kids were mesmerized!!

So, all in all, a decent vacation but now I'm exhausted!

So.

Knitting - I figured out which pattern the shawl was. It's Swallowtail, of course. And I was just reading some old blog entries and randomly came across the post detailing the casting on of the shawl, and how many yards of the yarn I have! *happy dance* So, I'm going to keep going, if I ever have the energy and time for lace again.

We had some excitement around here this morning. My oldest got up and collapsed on the floor, sobbing in pain. Now, he's a bit of a...drama queen, shall we say, so I don't always take dramatic collapses with sobbing very seriously, as they tend to happen A LOT. But, this was different. It seemed like he was *actually* in pain and couldn't put weight on his leg, because his knee was hurting. After a couple of hours, we decided an urgent care visit was in order. Some friends suggested that since he had strep and flu a few weeks ago, that we might want to have him checked for this. Ped thought it was unlikely, and initially diagnosed a sprain. We were sent off to the hospital for an X-ray with instructions to walk on the leg as much as he could. Thankfully, we were in out of the hospital in less than 1/2 an hour. We got the call a few hours later that there's "something abnormal" on the X-ray. It's just not clear what is going on, or why he's in such pain (though *only* when he puts pressure on it), so the next step is an MRI. The ped did reassure me that this is NOT a tumor or a lesion of any kind, so we're not worried about Big Bad Scary Stuff (well, not much). I'm hoping for the same outcome as we had the last time he had an anomaly on an X-ray, which is to say, it was absolutely nothing, but last time there was no pain involved. Hopefully we can get the MRI in the next couple of days, and see if it's a fracture or not. But how on earth can a kid fracture his knee in his sleep?

And, of course, we're going on vacation in ONE WEEK. A vacation with lots of walking scheduled.

Well that's ONE way to cut down on projects!

All of a sudden I'm jonesin' to make a shawl (I blame a friend who's been posting gorgeous pattern suggestions). I knew I had a couple on needles, so I pulled out the one with fingering weight yarn, to find that the pattern has disappeared! Honestly, it's been so long I can't even remember which one it was! So, I guess I'll be frogging the tiny bit I have done and starting something new!!

Cleaning Out

One of my biggest frustrations in our home is that I feel like we just don't FIT here. We have Too Much Stuff and it's just cluttered and chaotic. I find it really stressful, to be honest. Now, I am certainly not naturally neat and organized, AT ALL, but I would like to be more so than I am. I feel like the answer is not to get more and more storage "solutions" but to pare down our stuff so that we actually fit in the space we have.

To that end, today I went through all my clothes (except bathing suits). I am tired of disliking 85% of my jeans! Eddie Bauer used to be my go-to and they changed their sizing and took at least an inch, probably two, off their rise, and now they're just too low. People, I am a 41 year old woman who has born three children. I feel like there's a huge market for well-made durable clothes for women who aren't in their twenties but don't feel over the hill yet! Perhaps if I were willing to spend more, there would be more options. :) It felt so freeing to see the things I'm getting rid of piling up! I even *gasp* threw some things away! I have trouble letting go in more ways than one, so this was a challenge, but a good one.

I now know what I have for spring and summer (if they EVER arrive), and once I finish the eleventy-billion loads of laundry that I've let pile up this week and sorted through that stuff, I'll know where I'm at for cooler weather as well.

Now I just need to do this with all the rest of the stuff in this house and we'll be in good shape!

Tongue Tied

Whoa, sorry blog!

I think the title says it all...I just don't feel like I have a ton to say right now. Life is feeling very...not overwhelming, exactly, though talk to me in a couple of weeks when we're deep in soccer-gymnastics-dance-karate-school-LIFE. Definitely busy. I'm actually in a really optimistic place right now. We thought the town was going to auction off the land right next to us, which would mean we would be losing 1/3 of our lawn (which is actually town land), but it looks like that's not going to happen, so YAY! We've had a sort of break through in a really challenging family situation (not meaning to be cryptic, I just don't feel like it's entirely my story to tell) and that's also feeling really hopeful. We keep having moments where it looks like Spring might be coming! Of course, then it snows again. I'm just not in a creative place right now, at least not with knitting. I finished a HUGE sewing project - something like 30 pairs of fleece socks for friends. I need to wash them and then send them off. I'm getting that startitis feeling again, but dude, I have so many projects in flight, I think it's making me anxious. I really need to finish a bunch of things before I can start anything else!!

I'm doing a LOT Of picture taking and having a lot of fun. And it looks like I'm going to be able to take this photography class that I've been wanting to do, I got the childcare gap worked out, I think, so YAY for that!

All in all, I feel like I'm in a waiting place right now, trying to see what the next step is. Which is fine, I guess, but I am so not someone who is comfortable sitting in Not Knowing. Which is why I haven't had much to say lately. I've got lots of thoughts though, maybe I need to bring them out more.