Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Following the right path...

Now, I'm not someone who believes "everything happens for a reason."  I really do believe that random shit just occurs, and part of life is figuring out how to get through it with at least a modicum of grace.  I dislike the notion of a God that would have people suffer the agonies that they do suffer ON PURPOSE.  What would be the point of that? I believe in free will and that people sometimes make terrible mistakes, or do terrible things to others simply because they can.  Where's God in all of that?  I don't know.

However, that being said, I do also believe in...hmm, I don't know quite the right word for it.  I believe that life shouldn't be TOO hard, and that if I'm on the right path, doing the right thing, things tend to fall into place.  Like, for example, my wedding.  We basically looked at one place (it happened the be the chapel on the college campus where I grew up), talked to one DJ, had the college caterers, talked to one florist, one photographer, one baker, etc.  It all fell into place, and I firmly believe that that is because this was the right thing.  Well, that and I'm not tremendously detail-oriented, so I honestly didn't care all that much.

So, I decided I need to find a therapist, what with going BATSHIT CRAZY a few weeks ago.  I'm better now, but really, it was a bit scary and showed me that things are far closer to the surface than I'd realized. I don't think I'm always the best judged though.  I was verbalizing some of my interior monologue to my husband the other day, and he just stared at me and then said "YOU ARE SO ANXIOUS!"  I told him later, "No, I wasn't any more anxious than usual...I just don't usually tell you about it." I've been very, very blessed in my life to have had some amazing therapists.  They kept me together and really helped me not only stay alive, but learn how to live. I've had a lot of therapy though, and there's also the small matter of a Masters in Counseling and a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology.  And, you know, being a therapist.  So, I need someone with skill and experience.  Of course, they need to take my insurance.  And perhaps the biggest hurdle of all, I need to be able to fit into their schedule, and them into mine.  So far I've called three people, and it's not going to work out with any of them.  One recommended a group in town, so I've got a call in there.  It's a bit nerve-wracking.  I guess I'm questioning myself - is this not the right path, since it's not falling into place?  I know I can go talk to my new priest, which Dorothy assures me Is Done, but he can't be a therapist to me, and I'm not quite sure what it is I need right now.

6 comments:

Dorothy said...

Maybe things haven't fallen into place yet, because the people you've talked to are not the right therapist for you.

I would talk to your priest - at least as a starting point. It doesn't mean you shouldn't see a therapist, but it's someone to talk to today or tomorrow, instead of waiting longer.....

kristy said...

Hmm, I'm not sure annoying logistics means it's not the right path. Unless you are putting up unnecessary obstacles... that might mean that you aren't really into it. (But I'm not a therapist. ;))

toysmith said...

From my experience, therapist-shopping can be time-consuming, particularly getting schedules to match (and then hoping this person "clicks" with you). Personally, I would just accept that yes, finding a therapist can be trying.

There was a great article somewhere recently (can't lay my hands on it) about how therapists have become the "priests" for contemporary secular Americans, but with an important twist: most people tend to only see therapists when something is demonstrably wrong, whereas in the past it was considered normal to periodically consult with one's priest about life's ups and downs. It really normalized the fact that sometimes people need good spiritual mentoring, without the stigma that might attach to a clinical diagnosis.

Last comment. A dear friend from New England made the following observation "when I tell my friends from home I'm seeing a therapist, they really worry about me. But when I tell my friends from California I'm not seeing a therapist, they really worry about me. "

You will eventually find the right person for you!

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