Friday, October 26, 2012

Wind out of my sails...

I was going to call this derailed, but it's not that, not really.  It's been a really hard week.  I've continued to go to work, take care of kids, etc., but I've been really down this week.  In part, it's that time of year for me.  I tend to get very depressed in October, and the fact that it didn't hit me until now this year is actually progress.  There been a few things that have knocked me off my center, and I'm taking things way, way too hard right now.  At least I have enough insight to know that, and I'm working hard on just sitting lightly in my feelings, not hooking in too deep, not giving too much power to them.  I'm reminding myself - depression lies, all the time.  My sister was supposed to visit me next week to have a fun halloween, but due to STORMAGGEDON 2012, she most likely won't make it.  So.  I'm a bit nervous, I'm going to head to the store tomorrow to make sure we have milk, lemonade and wine, because what else really do you need to weather a storm?

One very cool thing - I've met a really neat person who's helping with me with my website for the photography.  I'm not quite ready to unveil it, but we'll get there.   I did do a bunch of picking up today, and mopped the downstairs, so I'm not just sitting on my butt being sad...that's good, I guess.

These are the times where I just get so frustrated with my brain and feel like it's just...broken.  There is no reason at all for me to feel this way, my life is wonderful and I am truly blessed.  Stupid brain.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Saturday Night Round Up

So, in the last week and a half, I've gotten a lot done, though there's TONS more to do.  The house is in that state of purging/decluttering where there is crap EVERYWHERE and it's crazy-making, to be sure.

So, the book folks came and took 12 boxes of books and a bag of clothes.  My parents came to visit and amidst the chaos that is our weekend, we got stuff done. I got DH's dresser set up, and the costume bin/bench put together.  On Saturday morning, DH and my mom got the Expedit put together.  Saturday afternoon, I got going.  Over the rest of the day, I went through most of my yarn, and got 2 big kitchen garbage bags ready to donate.  I also got 2 big bags of fabric to go.  I had *6 bags* of trash and a ton of recycling.  I also worked myself up into a righteous asthma attack.  At this point, all yarn and cloth is consolidated, and fits (barely) into the allotted bins.  I have 2 plastic tubs, 1 drawer and a ratty old cardboard box left to go through, consolidate, purge, etc.  And then the craft stuff is DONE!  I swear, I'm so excited!  I have a small desk next to the storage with my sewing machines on it, so I can actually have them out and usable!  ALL THE TIME.  I have a bin of WIP that I'm going to ruthlessly purge - there's stuff that's never going to get done, so it needs to get frogged.  It feels so good to know it's in progress.

In terms of "the business," I took some steps there too.  I bought my website, though there's nothing there yet, and *deep breath* I did my first shoot!  My big fear has been, what's it going to be like shooting people I don't know, and the answer is...I had a blast!  I think they did too.  We literally did the shoot in 6 minutes - the weather was gorgeous on Saturday, but they were wiped out from travel and weren't up for it.  The weather was terrible all day Sunday until I came out of the local ballet production I'd taken 2 of my kids to, and  IT WAS SUNNY!  I called them up, ran home, grabbed my camera, and brought them into the sun and we ended up getting a bunch of good shots!  It was a huge confidence boost and again made me think...This is what I want.

And, as I keep reminding myself - what's the worst that can happen?  I'll try, and it'll fail as a business.  :)

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Making Progress

Room is painted and I am SO thrilled with it!  I love the color, it looks so clean and crisp and nice, AND it makes the room feel so much more like me!  I'm surrounded by brown in this house, and it's just not my color.  It was such fun!  And we have our Ikea trip on Friday, which should also be a blast! It's a crazy weekend, so hopefully I will get my organizing done.

I got the book pick-up scheduled, and I'm sending off a bunch of clothes too.

I'm also moving forward on other things.  I got my EIN from the IRS, and I got my business permit from the town, and opened a business bank account today.  Next step is to get the office space set up, which involves MORE CLEANING, purging, sorting and organizing.  I'm also thinking of getting a screen to set up to divide the office space from the play space.

I've been taking a photography class, and I'm signed up for the next one as well, and I'm very excited about that!  I've gotten some positive feedback (though in general the teacher is very very enthusiastic about the shots the students take), and this week's assignment is portraits, so obviously I'm thrilled!  I'm actually doing a portrait session for my friend's parents on Saturday, which should be really fun (yikes and is also terrifying, what if I completely screw it up?!?).  I think the biggest thing this class has done is gotten back into shooting manually, and it's taught me SO much about my camera!  The teacher is very funny, and definitely A Personality.

I have a friend who's going to do my website and logo for me, and I set up a FB page (though I've been too chicken to invite anyone to it).

So, I've been processing a lot about all this, and had some good insights yesterday. I think I realized that I am, in fact, a Myers-Briggs introvert. People who know me may be going "Whaaa?" but really, it's true.  Yes, I'm very social and outgoing, and I do really like people, but the older I get, the more I find social interactions tiring and the more I crave alone time.  Now, maybe I'm really just an X, balanced between the two, but I think that understanding my need for down-time is important.  I had a hard time this weekend with DH away for 4 days, and being non-stop parent was not easy.  In addition, we have, well, not the most mellow of kids (I know! So weird!  Where DO they get it?!?).  But yeah, intensity abounds in our family.  That's a good thing, in many ways, but it has made me really start questioning the fit for me on my chosen profession.  Finding work that allows me a balance between interacting with people and being alone sounds really lovely.  Now, I'm not doing anything rash, quitting my job or anything, but I'm realizing just how vigilant I really need to be to protect my energy level, and that eventually, I think not doing this work is the right thing for me.

So yeah, it's all good and feels like things are really in motion right now.