Sunday, December 20, 2009

365-45: Sort of a day of rest.

We have cats in our household. We said goodbye to our wonderful L in June, and quickly acquired the boys. They're great, but they're not MY cats, really. I still have my A cat. I have had her from the time she was a weency little kitten, she came to me at about 6 weeks old. She's now almost 16 1/2. She's been a handful, my dear love kitty that she is. I think things are going downhill with her: she's very thin, she's got kidney disease and she's now started peeing on the bathmat. We just can't have a kitty peeing all over the place, so if it gets worse, we're going to have to make a tough decision. I'm not ready to lose her. She and L were with me through some very long and painful years. In some ways, they were the *only* ones who were there with me. They saved me. The thought of losing her breaks my heart, though it is, of course inevitable.

So, how is this related to gratitude? Even as I sit here, knowing I *will* lose her, and probably fairly soon, I haven't lost her yet. She's here, now, still herself, still okay. I am reminded, yet again, that pre-suffering really doesn't serve any useful purpose and only robs you of the joy that's available to you in the here and now. In this exact moment, nothing bad has happened. We don't have to make that call today (though I am calling the vet just to rule out a UTI). We don't have to say goodbye just yet. So, I am grateful for that, today.

No comments: