Rest in Peace, Krista.

I didn't know Krista Dittmeyer, but I am haunted by her disappearance and death. The circumstances of her disappearance, specifically, the fact that her young daughter was found alive in the car, are so awful, so painful to think about, that I cry every time I do. A 14 month old is old enough to know that her mother isn't there. As a woman, especially as a mother, it just breaks my heart. In a strange way, I'm thankful she was found so quickly, that her family doesn't have to live with the agony of not knowing.

It also just enrages me. Perhaps I am jumping to conclusions, but there's no evidence that I've seen that suggests she was suicidal or mentally ill. There's no evidence to suggest she put herself in that pond. So someone - no, let's be clear, most likely some MAN - put her there. Not to say that women don't do awful, abusive things, or commit horrible acts. They do. But typically women don't kill other women this way.

I, like so many women I know, live with that undercurrent of fear. Now, I'm a survivor of violence, so I'm probably more wary than most, but I think most women in the US know that they can be victimized. Either by a stranger, or much more commonly, by someone they know. This isn't just an individual experience, it's a cultural phenomenon that leaves me so angry I can barely speak.

And, of course, now I'm the mother of a girl. I am coming to believe that just as I think the ability to swim competently is a necessary life skill, maybe self-defense should be seen the same way for young girls and women. My oldest son has started karate, and I am determined that my daughter will study as well. My younger son has loved gymnastics, but told me recently that he wants to study karate as well. Maybe I should join them.

Survived April Vacation!

I am so ready for a good night's sleep!! A few months ago I concocted a plan for this vacation which included driving from here to outside of Philly to see my SIL's family for a few days, and then going to NYC. When I told my friends who live in Queens that we'd be doing this, they INSISTED that we stay at their apartment. It's huge (and free) so we accepted gratefully!

We headed off last Sunday. The 6 hour drive took about 8 hours, what with lunch breaks, potty breaks, missed exits and flooding detours. Our days with the family were great! We took the kids too an amazing park which included an 8-story wooden play castle! The next day all the boys headed off to the Philly Zoo while the girl and I hung out, as she had spiked a 104 fever (OF COURSE SHE DID). Wednesday, we headed off to NY.

We got the key to my friend's apartment, dropped our stuff off, hopped on the E train and headed to MOMA. We were there to see Van Gogh's Starry Night at the request of my oldest son. He was amazed by it, it was so cool to see. We looked at some other paintings but the kids were pretty fried, so we headed back to the apartment. We made the kids a simple dinner, and the adults ordered Chinese food later.

Thursday we had tickets to the Statue of Liberty. It was...a challenging day, made more difficult by the TWO HOUR WAIT just to get through security to get on the damn ferry. The kids did not handle it well, in part because we'd screwed up the timing of food so they'd had a bagel snack but no lunch so everyone was whiny. Once we got there and got food into everyone, it was better. I also hadn't taken into account the fact that my oldest son is quite afraid of heights, so the amazing view was lost on him. We had pedestal tickets, which was more than enough for us!

Friday we got up and out of the apartment and got to the American Museum of Natural History before it opened. It was *packed* (no school in NYC on Friday) but the line moved fast. We got tickets to the Sauropod exhibit that just opened, which was pretty cool. Before we went up, we saw the one mummy they have, which was sufficient, and then did dinosaurs. We were there about 2 hours, which exceeded my expectation. I could have done way more, but we were out of time. We ate lunch and then walked around Central Park and watched a wedding.

Today we got on the road and had a good trip back. I had gotten LOTS of stories on DVDs from the library and the kids were mesmerized!!

So, all in all, a decent vacation but now I'm exhausted!

So.

Knitting - I figured out which pattern the shawl was. It's Swallowtail, of course. And I was just reading some old blog entries and randomly came across the post detailing the casting on of the shawl, and how many yards of the yarn I have! *happy dance* So, I'm going to keep going, if I ever have the energy and time for lace again.

We had some excitement around here this morning. My oldest got up and collapsed on the floor, sobbing in pain. Now, he's a bit of a...drama queen, shall we say, so I don't always take dramatic collapses with sobbing very seriously, as they tend to happen A LOT. But, this was different. It seemed like he was *actually* in pain and couldn't put weight on his leg, because his knee was hurting. After a couple of hours, we decided an urgent care visit was in order. Some friends suggested that since he had strep and flu a few weeks ago, that we might want to have him checked for this. Ped thought it was unlikely, and initially diagnosed a sprain. We were sent off to the hospital for an X-ray with instructions to walk on the leg as much as he could. Thankfully, we were in out of the hospital in less than 1/2 an hour. We got the call a few hours later that there's "something abnormal" on the X-ray. It's just not clear what is going on, or why he's in such pain (though *only* when he puts pressure on it), so the next step is an MRI. The ped did reassure me that this is NOT a tumor or a lesion of any kind, so we're not worried about Big Bad Scary Stuff (well, not much). I'm hoping for the same outcome as we had the last time he had an anomaly on an X-ray, which is to say, it was absolutely nothing, but last time there was no pain involved. Hopefully we can get the MRI in the next couple of days, and see if it's a fracture or not. But how on earth can a kid fracture his knee in his sleep?

And, of course, we're going on vacation in ONE WEEK. A vacation with lots of walking scheduled.

Well that's ONE way to cut down on projects!

All of a sudden I'm jonesin' to make a shawl (I blame a friend who's been posting gorgeous pattern suggestions). I knew I had a couple on needles, so I pulled out the one with fingering weight yarn, to find that the pattern has disappeared! Honestly, it's been so long I can't even remember which one it was! So, I guess I'll be frogging the tiny bit I have done and starting something new!!

Cleaning Out

One of my biggest frustrations in our home is that I feel like we just don't FIT here. We have Too Much Stuff and it's just cluttered and chaotic. I find it really stressful, to be honest. Now, I am certainly not naturally neat and organized, AT ALL, but I would like to be more so than I am. I feel like the answer is not to get more and more storage "solutions" but to pare down our stuff so that we actually fit in the space we have.

To that end, today I went through all my clothes (except bathing suits). I am tired of disliking 85% of my jeans! Eddie Bauer used to be my go-to and they changed their sizing and took at least an inch, probably two, off their rise, and now they're just too low. People, I am a 41 year old woman who has born three children. I feel like there's a huge market for well-made durable clothes for women who aren't in their twenties but don't feel over the hill yet! Perhaps if I were willing to spend more, there would be more options. :) It felt so freeing to see the things I'm getting rid of piling up! I even *gasp* threw some things away! I have trouble letting go in more ways than one, so this was a challenge, but a good one.

I now know what I have for spring and summer (if they EVER arrive), and once I finish the eleventy-billion loads of laundry that I've let pile up this week and sorted through that stuff, I'll know where I'm at for cooler weather as well.

Now I just need to do this with all the rest of the stuff in this house and we'll be in good shape!

Tongue Tied

Whoa, sorry blog!

I think the title says it all...I just don't feel like I have a ton to say right now. Life is feeling very...not overwhelming, exactly, though talk to me in a couple of weeks when we're deep in soccer-gymnastics-dance-karate-school-LIFE. Definitely busy. I'm actually in a really optimistic place right now. We thought the town was going to auction off the land right next to us, which would mean we would be losing 1/3 of our lawn (which is actually town land), but it looks like that's not going to happen, so YAY! We've had a sort of break through in a really challenging family situation (not meaning to be cryptic, I just don't feel like it's entirely my story to tell) and that's also feeling really hopeful. We keep having moments where it looks like Spring might be coming! Of course, then it snows again. I'm just not in a creative place right now, at least not with knitting. I finished a HUGE sewing project - something like 30 pairs of fleece socks for friends. I need to wash them and then send them off. I'm getting that startitis feeling again, but dude, I have so many projects in flight, I think it's making me anxious. I really need to finish a bunch of things before I can start anything else!!

I'm doing a LOT Of picture taking and having a lot of fun. And it looks like I'm going to be able to take this photography class that I've been wanting to do, I got the childcare gap worked out, I think, so YAY for that!

All in all, I feel like I'm in a waiting place right now, trying to see what the next step is. Which is fine, I guess, but I am so not someone who is comfortable sitting in Not Knowing. Which is why I haven't had much to say lately. I've got lots of thoughts though, maybe I need to bring them out more.

Sunday Night Round Up

It's been a mostly good weekend - some down time, some social time, some church...it's funny, none of the kids will go to Sunday school, and so it's a bit stressful managing them during the service, but we get so many compliments on their behavior, so I guess we're doing something right. Mainly we bring stuff for them to do.

I was deep in my creative flow for a bit, and got sort of waylaid. I thought I'd think about what's in flight, and try and get inspired to finish some things this week! The big one is Sockopalooza, which got waylaid when I ran over a pin and snapped the upper knife on my serger. Yes, I've been told one CAN use the serger without it but I really don't want to! I have the replacement knife (plus an extra), so I just need to figure out how to install it. I only have 6 more pairs to do, and then I can send them out. I know, I really am crazy. :)

Knitting...so much. I started a cute baby hat simply because I have the yarn. I'm envisioning a stocking cap. I've got socks, shawls...I've not been feeling the knitting mojo as much. Crocheting...nothing really. I did one of those newborn nests that I'm going to send to a photographer friend in TX. It's cute! I'll try and get a picture up soon - I just need to weave in the ends.

Life in general...I can't believe it's the Equinox today! YAY! I love that it's getting lighter and lighter! I need to start thinking about our summer schedule! It really shifted this week, we had some glorious warm days, and most of the snow is gone. I've got all sorts of thing popping up in my garden, so exciting! We've gotten so busy - both boys are taking piano lessons, we just started DS1 in karate (which is 2x a week!!), DS is doing gymnastics, DD wants to stop Music Together and try a dance class (we're going to do it at the Little Gym, not a dance studio...I'm very very wary of dance for girls - no eating disorder activities for us), soccer starts soon...*ack* I'm exhausted just thinking about it!!! I need to figure out how to balance all the BUSY stuff that we do with down time for all of us. I *never* wanted to be that family that's totally overscheduled, but unless you make all your kids do the same two activities (and you have three kids), there's no way to avoid it. I know, when soccer starts, that's three activities for the boys...I don't really have a justification for it. We'll see how it goes.

How can this be?

There's not a single cookie in this house.

That's just wrong. There are *children* here.

In which I admit, once again, that I am a huge geek.

The weather seems finally to have turned here in Massachusetts. We've got stuff growing in the garden, which really excites me! I'm not quite sure what it is, so that'll be fun to watch. I raked all the dead leaves out today, while the kids played outside. We had a half-day of school for conferences, so DS1 went to a friend's house while DS2 had a friend over. DD has been a whine-a-saurus today, so I was very very glad to be outside. I brought the iPhone docking station outside and blasted music while I gardened. LOVELY.

The geek thing is this...I am a *huge* Glee fan. I have been from the very beginning. These days I can't seem to watch it on TV, so I watch it online the day after (or several days after). For those who don't follow, it's a fun show that has, among other things, gay characters who are out. Well, two of those characters (the completely adorable Darren Criss and Chris Colfer) FINALLY got together with the sweetest first kiss I've seen portrayed in a long time. I'm still giddy! So that's geek thing #1. I've been listening to Glee all day, and dancing around. Geek thing #2. I've gotten Bieber fever. A friend is totally into him and just sent me the complete catalog, so I've also been listening to that. I know, silly.

I think I've got Spring Fever.

Thinking Spring!!

I actually finished this hat yesterday, but I'm still in recovery mode (turns out the reason I felt like death last week was that I have strep also! I'm doing MUCH better but my energy is still pretty low - hoping tomorrow will feel like a normal day).

Pattern: Crochet Jana Hat (Ravelry Link)

Hook size: J (I think)

Yarn: Tahki Cotton Classic

The flower is taken from Ann Norling's flower hats pattern.

This is yet another attempt to make a spring hat for my daughter. Which in all liklihood she'll never wear, but whatever, I like to make stuff. I made her one hat that's just terrible. Now I'll admit a bit of a prejudice against crochet. I know, it's not good, but there's a lot of stuff that just looks very...1970s to me. Now unlike lots of people I know, I actually lived through the fashion of the 70s. Granted, I was very young, but I was there. The hat I made is a seriously 70s hat. This hat, though, I think is adorable! I love the colors, I love the yarn, I think it's so cute!

In other news...I started another baby hat, knit this time. It may be way too small, I'm not sure. I need to do another few rows and figure out my gauge. I've got lots of ideas, things to work on, and lots of stuff in flight. I am trying to make one of those newborn nest photographer props but I'm using Homespun and if there's a more annoying yarn on the face of this earth, I have yet to encounter it and hope never to do so. Like I've said, I'm a not at all a yarn snob, but this stuff is just HORRIBLE!!!!! I knit one thing once from it and swore never again, and now I'll add crocheting with it to that list. UGH UGH. What a waste of money.

Hope Springs Eternal

I made something I like!

And let me tell you, I needed something to go right today. I've had someone home running a fever for a week now: flu, flu, and flu&strep. Not to mention I've had a ton of my own appointments. I think we've spent $140 just in copays in the last 5 days. And I've been getting no sleep, between having a feverish, hallucinating kid in my bed, my ownwretched cold, and then just my own insomnia...WHINE WHINE. Okay, I'm done now.

This is, in case you can't tell, a Bear Hat. It's crocheted, if you can believe it. I think it's a large newborn/smallish 3 month size, but I'm finding gauge hard to measure in crochet. I've looked a lot of hat and bear hat patterns over the last week or so, and this is really an amalgamation of them, I didn't follow any pattern. I'm going to write it out here to the best of my memory, so I can refer to it.

Yarn: Lion Nature's Choice Organic Cotton (I know lots of people scorn Lion brand as "craft store yarn", but you know I'm not a yarn snob. That being said, this yarn is *lovely*, it's so soft and squishy and just scrumptious!) For this hat, I used Khaki for the body (MC) and Strawberry for the edging and the interior of the ears (CC). I also have some Espresso and Almond that I think will be super cute as well. I used most of the ball of Khaki and not a lot of the Strawberry. I probably don't have enough Khaki to reverse the color scheme, but if I hadn't messed up and had to redo the ears, I might have.

Hook size: J for the body of the hat, I for the ears.

Stitches used: hdc and sc. Oh and slip stitch.

Gauge: approx. 2.5 hdc/inch

Notions: a locking stitch marker and a tapestry needle

Note: This hat is worked in a spiral. Mark your first stitch of each row with your marker, so you know where your row ends. You're not chaining any stitches or joining any rounds with a slip stitch.

Foundation row: Chain 3, join with sl stitch in firs stitch to form a circle.

Row 1: 6 hdc in the ring. (6 stitches)

Row 2: 2 hdc in each hdc around (12 stitches)

Row 3: *2 hdc in first st, 1hdc in next st* repeat from * around (18 stitches)

Row 4: *2 hdc in first st, 1 hdc in next 2 sts* repeat from * around (24 stitches)

Row 5: *2 hdc in first st, 1 hdc in next 3 sts* repeat from * around (30 stitches)

Row 5: *2 hdc in first st, 1 hdc in next 4 sts* repeat from * around (36 stitches)

Row 6-15: hdc all around. Join with sl stitch. Cut yarn and bind off.

(At this point I wove in the two ends I had.)

Join pink and sc edging all the way around. Join with sl stitch and bind off.

Note on sizing: It would be very easy to size this up, just continue increasing in the established pattern. Measure your diameter of your circle, multiply by pi to get your circumference, and there you go. I used the very useful Bev's Country Cottage size charts for hat length. I subtract about 1" from her lengths, as these hats are not having a rolled brim.

Ears:

Move to I hook.

Foundation row: Using CC, chain 3, join with sl stitch in firs stitch to form a circle.

Row 1: 6 sc in the ring. (6 stitches)

Row 2: 2 sc in each hdc around (12 stitches)

Switch to MC.

Row 3: *2 hdc in first st, 1hdc in next st* repeat from * around (18 stitches)

Join with sl st and bind off, leaving a long enough tail to use to sew the ear to the hat body. Weave in ends.

Make two. Note on the ears: the first pair I made, I stayed at a J hook and used hdcs. I also made a MC backing and joined the front and back with sc edging. They were very cute, but HUGE and bulky, way too big for this small hat. Using the I hook, the fabric is firm enough that you don't need the backing (I personally think it's cuter but didn't do it that way for this hat). I took them off and redid them, and I'm much happier with the smaller ears. If you were making a much bigger hat, you might want to go to hdcs.

Attach the ears to the body with the tail. Weave in any remaining ends.

Note: it would also be very easy to turn this hat into an ear-flap hat. I used this lady's tutorial, though I think my flaps were one less stitch than hers. I also placed them each on stitch closer to the back.

Learning Curve, Part II

So, I'm working on this pattern (Ravelry link), using this yarn in Fern (so pretty!!). My first attempt, using an I (5.5 mm) hook, it was clearly going to be absolutely huge. Second attempt, using a J (5.00 mm) hook, I thought it was going to be too small. HA! It fit DD, albeit tightly. The 0-6 month version, that is.

I'm frustrated by my gauge issues. Now, I know part of my frustration is that I'm on kid #3 with the actual flu, which is nasty (even though we've been hit relatively mildly). I got very little sleep last night as I was talking my very feverish 7 year old down from nightmares that were close to hallucinations. But, I am not sure why on one pattern, it's way too small, and on another, it's way too big. There's no gauge listed on this pattern, so I don't know how far off I am. Well, how far off I *was* as I've ripped out attempt number two. I'm now thinking I'll just make my own hat pattern and then add ear flaps. It really doesn't look like it'll be that hard.

Unrelated to this, my husband kicked me out of the house today to get some fresh air, so I took the girlie and we went on a photo walk. I could hear the snow melting, and there were even some patches of brown grass showing in places, and it's the first time I really had hope that Spring may actually come this year!

Learning Curve

Learning new things isn't always easy - especially not for those of us who have the lovely combination of perfectionism and impatience, with just a hint of narcissistic arrogance thrown in. Okay, I'm not that bad, and I've gotten much better in the last 10 years or so. I know I've talked about it before, but it's so true. Knitting and now crocheting has taught me *so* much about curbing my perfectionism, opening up my patience, and increasing my tolerance for making mistakes. For some reason, I've been on this total crocheting jag. I think because I want to make some hats, quickly, and I don't have a lot of time, so crochet is appealing as it's quicker. For some definition of quicker that seems to include needing to rip out 75% of what I'm making. Yeah, insert eyeroll here.

I started a hat for my daughter, realized I'd screwed up the pattern so I ripped it out and made a different one. I finished it, but I really don't like it, and it's not long enough. I don't know why, I have this problem making hats long enough! Then I made the above-picture hat, which turned out COMPLETELY cute, and I think is even the right not-quite-newborn size that I think will be useful for my friend. That's from some leftover craft-store acrylic that I acquired many years ago. I really struggled with the sizing of the pattern - I'm still new-enough at this to not know if the pattern is off or I'm off. Most likely the latter.

So then I found a cute pattern for a crocheted baby helmet-type hat, and I know my-friend-the-photographer would like one. I was knitting her one, and it was going to be HUGE, like it would fit my almost 3 y.o. daughter. So I ripped that too. I'm having gauge issues, apparently. (This, people, is why I don't usually knit items where gauge matters. I'm also paranoid because she told me that the little pink and purple helmet I did was way too small for her 9 lb niece.) So ANYway. I found this pattern, looked doable, found some really pretty yarn, so I waded in. It's really not hard, actually, but now I'm realizing that it's going to be HUGE. The complete opposite of the problem I had with the Bear Hat, which I had to do a 12-24 month size in order to get a hat that would be a bit loose on DD's baby doll. I think before I rip the hat out, I'll shove it on her head (the daughter, not the doll) and if it goes on her head, I'll rip because I do want a closer-to-newborn size. But not tonight, I've ripped out enough today.

The thoughts, there are many...

I am finding crocheting a bit perplexing. In a way, it seems like it should be so straightforward, but like any craft, there are nuances.

I'm working on a hat. Using the recommended yarn weight and hook size, my hat is way smaller than it should be, like 3.3" too small in the circumference. I've followed the pattern but it looks like I'm going to have to add another 6 rows or so to make it long enough (for the size I have, not even the size I am trying to knit). I'm wondering if I just crochet so tightly that my gauge is way, way off. I mean, it obviously is off, but why? That's the main thing I can come up with.

And wow, crochet uses a crazy amount of yarn!

Other than that...yeah. Life. It's okay - getting in the swing again. I feel like I've got so many possibilities right now, so many directions that I'm trying to go in. It's exciting but also a bit scary. It's good, I have to keep reminding myself, it's good. Hard and scary doesn't mean bad.

I love math.

I really do. I think, in part, it's just a good fit for my brain. Much of my (albeit intro) study of formal logic appealed to me in the same way - with the kind of math I like, it's concrete, it's either right or wrong, and you can actually figure things out and know them. For a control freak like me, it's very comforting.

Even though I have approximately 400 projects in flight right now, well, I had a hard day, so I decided to start a project that's been calling to me, a crocheted hat for my little girl. Well, not so little! In about 2.5 months, she'll be three. And she decided to potty train on Saturday. Seriously, she announced she was wearing undies from now on, and that's it. She's doing great, and since it's one of my least favorite moments of parenting, I'm sort of glad she took matters into her own hands and decided to do it. :) Anyway, she's got this cute crocheted hat made out of some sort of straw-type-material and she *loves* it. And it's getting way too small for her. So I thought I'd try to make her a different-but-similar hat. I'd forgotten how crocheting makes my wrists hurt! That hooking, it's tough on the joints. ;) I also chose white, which may not really work with her very fair coloring. Whatever, it's fun and I'm enjoying it.

I made a friend laugh as we had the following text exchange.

Me: I think I must be crocheting tightly. I'm bending this aluminum hook...and I'm only on the second row.

Her: A little tense?

Me: Ya think? Switching to steel.

Her: I love that that's your solution.

It never occurred to me that perhaps I should, you know, loosen up a bit!

The math part is that I need the hat to fit the circumference of her head, but I am crocheting a flat circle. To see if it's big enough, I just measured the diameter, multiplied by an approximation of pi and voila! Circumference.

I think, like most of us in New England, I just need this winter to be over. It's be a tough one. Thankfully we've all been pretty healthy (unlike last winter when we had swine flu, pneumonia, strep, and the stomach flu) but the weather has been hard to take and I've been struggling. I finally acknowledged that things just Aren't Right (again), and that I need some assistance. I'm getting it taken care of, and I'm very confident that all will be well...but it sucks to be back in this dark place. What I've learned from my many bouts of this is that it will pass, and I have enough clarity to know, really? My life is not just fine, but AMAZING. Yes, there's a big stressor (which isn't really my story to tell) but there's so many wonderful things too. This simply feels like neurochemistry gone awry, and so I'm going to correct that.

Hopes and Dreams

I was incredibly blessed yesterday to be able to go visit a friend and her family, including her 10 day old new little guy. It's been a painful road, and it's wonderful that he's here!

These pictures confirmed some things for me - that I have a *lot* to learn about the art of photography; that I *love* taking pictures (well, I already knew that!) and that I want to pursue a more formal study. I could see what I wanted in my head, but learning how to get that image is something I'm going to need some assistance with. I have A Plan and I think it's doable. It's exciting, it feels like the beginning of a journey that I put off 20 years ago because of time, money and practicality.

The other interesting thing was holding this beautiful little baby. I know many people who are not baby people, they like kids when they get a little older. I have to admit, I'm a sucker for a baby. Holding and snuggling this little guy was just sublime, but I will say, there really wasn't any part of me thinking "Oh man, I wish I could do this again!" I'd love to have a life where I get to have contact with babies...and then give them back!

New Camera Bag

Of course, it's not new, and it's not really a camera bag...

I came home from VT to a couple of wonderful packages! I've been pondering camera bags and felt like everything I saw was sort of ugly, not my style at all, and most of them screamed "I'VE GOT AN EXPENSIVE CAMERA IN HERE!!!" It's odd, I'm not a bag person, as I've said, but I have a great fondness for diaper bags. One company, Ju Ju Be, has well-designed bags with a lot of great features. Since I've not been into buying new bags for a couple of years, I was unaware that they'd come out with the BFF (let me note that I did NOT pay that for the bag!). It's a larger bag, but not overwhelming and I thought it might work for a camera bag. I also ordered this insert, which fits perfectly in the bag. I am not entirely sure how to configure it. But right now I've got it so there's one big compartment for the camera body with 50 mm lens attached, and then two smaller compartments - one for the battery charger and one for my kit lens (18-55mm). I know I'm going to want a longer zoom, which may or may not work in this insert. We'll see. But, since we've got our Big Trip coming up in April, I think this will work! I can also fit a Be Quick with 2 pulls ups and a pack of wipes on top of the insert, and the front pocket is big enough for my wallet and sundries. I can also fit some more in this bag with these things, it'll be stuffed and they'd have to be small, but it could work. I'm hoping only to carry one bag on the trip, and I know I'm going to want my camera with me.

A few pictures:

Insert with camera (Nikon D5000 with 50 mm lens attached)

BFF with Insert

BFF with Insert and Be Quick

Well, so much for that!

Tomorrow we're heading home. On the one hand, I'm not looking forward to it, but on the other...I am. I love my family, and it's wonderful to be so close with them, but it's hard to be a visitor. My kids are...well, spirited at times, especially my oldest, and he can be a real handful to manage. I had what I think is a MAJOR insight into my relationship with him and why it can be so challenging - all on my part, nothing on him, and I'm hoping it's something I can work with. I get so angry and impatient sometimes, and I have to keep reminding myself, HE'S 7!!! He's just a *little kid*! He's not easy, but I am the grown up, for whatever that's worth.

It's been a good visit. COLD. I'm really, really looking forward to Spring. I know, like everyone else in New England. It's been a tough winter and I'm ready for it to be over. Soon, right? I mean, I don't want to wish my life away or anything, but I'm ready for less cold, less snow, more light, more warmth! This spring may bring some really cool things to my life, and I'm excited.

I think I've said this before, but every time I come home to visit, I am reminded that this really is *home* for me. In many ways I'd lovelovelove to move back here. It's just not logistically possible, but it's a nice dream. And, in any case, I can visit.

So, tomorrow, back to my regular life. I can't wait to see my lovely husband and my sweet kitties. It will be good to be home!

We made it!!

We're here at my parents' house! Yes, it's not a vacation in the sense of lying on the beach drinking a margarita or anything, but the thing that's so awesome is not having to be in charge of any of the cooking or cleaning! Dude, I *hate* cleaning.

That's not actually true, as I think about it...I don't hate cleaning, what I hate is not having the time or energy...or having them and having my efforts TRASHED 20 seconds later, which is what happens and is so demoralizing.

I'm also coming to grip with the idea that we're just DROWNING in STUFF and we really, really need to get rid of it. I'm so bad at letting go of things, and we just need to do it. I need to get inspired. If I could have a week at home with no kids or husband, I think I could get a lot done, but that's not happening any time soon!

Anyway, I'm hoping to keep up the posting while here, we'll see!