Project Dishcloth is begun!

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Summer is here!

Whee!!!

We've been super-busy here at KWAP, surviving the end of the school year. DS1 is moving on to 1st grade, DS2 will be starting *gasp*Kindergarten! And DD may head off to preschool a bit early next winter, we'll see.

After school ended, we headed up to VT to visit my folks for a few days, which was really fun. At this point I'm quite comfortable doing the drive alone with the kids. DH didn't come with me, he didn't have the time off from work (it was last minute trip) and it was his father's day gift, to be home alone without kids. :) Since we came back, we've started getting into the summer groove: beach and friends. I'm building some reading and housework into the schedule too, and as soon as my friend gets back from RI, I'm getting her baby jogger and I'm going to start the boys running a bit.

I just had an inspiration for a craft project as well. I have a *ton* of kitchen cotton and I want to make a whole bunch of dish cloths, so I can ditch the sponges. I think that has been a plan before, and I did make a bunch but my mom decided she liked them so I gave them all to her. I am going to start off with some crochet, just to get in the groove. We'll see how it goes, I'm tired of sponges that smell like swamp.

Knitting Night

I have a couple of different knitting groups put here, one at the library and one with some women in my neighborhood. Tonight my neighboorhood group is going for ice cream!!! Yum!! I am psyched! Especially since I'm not in a knitting mood. I sewed a dress and shorts for my daughter yesterday. I'd love to get good enough that I could sew for myself.






And in other news, I found a church that I'm sort of psyched about. We bagged the fancy church in the wealthy city two towns over. We're just not similar to the people there. We're financially comfortable but we're both not people who are at all into wealth, and I felt like the people who are in our life situation there are much more...I don't know, rich than we are. And they weren't friendly. So I checked out the church in the city two towns north of us. It's much smaller but had a *big* population of young kids, was very low-key in terms of presentation (though still Episcopal), and they kneel, which oddly enough, I like. :-) I'm going away this weekend, but I'll go back next weekend to hear the priest speak, and to suss out the friendliness factor. The priest already has encouraged me to bring the kids, it's cool if they're not perfectly behaved. So, we'll see. It had a nice feel to it.

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Cupcakes and Updates

In the interest of actually putting a post up here, I'm going to forego looking up the right number. It's a busy time of year, with some bittersweet moments. My younger son turned 5 and "graduated" preschool. I've always felt a bit scornful of the whole notion of graduating from preschool, until I went through it with my oldest. We're blessed to be able to have me at home with the kids, and to have flexibility in our preschool choice, in that we don't need the childcare. So we've chosen small cooperative nursery schools, where we've been very involved. Moving from that to public school, even a small and very warm'n'fuzzy elementary school like we have, is a big change. My younger son is a very sweet and sensitive kid, and he does not like transitions, so I've got a few worries about how this all will go.

I can't believe I'm going to have a 1st grader as well!! I continue to be so glad that he's one of the oldest kids in the class, I think it's so good for him. I'm looking forward to the summer break. I've also been reading some interesting books on homework, and may be taking on the school system. We'll see. :-)

In knitting news, on Plurk, I mentioned I had a cupcake, and a friend wanted one, so I made her one. :-)


In bigger news, I finished and blocked my sister's Swallowtail!



I've got better pictures on the computer, and if I ever have a moment, I'll post them. I am so thrilled of how it came out! It's big, and so pretty and cozy, and she loves it!

My problem is that I am bored with everything I have on needles but I really need to finish more things before I start anything new. I'll need more socks in the fall. You know, as I write this, it's making me think: why do I feel this way? I had *such* fun knitting the cupcake, and it gave me such a spark, you know? It's not like I knit for a living, and if I'm feeling guilty over a hobby, that's ridiculous. This is about joy, not drudgery.


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Blocking.

One of the things I really appreciate (which, you will note, is different from enjoy) about knitting is how often it gives me the opportunity to go beyond my comfort zone. I am blocking a shawl for the first time; it's a gift for my sister (just in time for summer, huzzah!).

It's a gorgeous day out so I'm going to pin it out on the back deck. Hopefully it'll dry pretty quickly.

Blocking is one of those skills that seem so mysterious and, well, skillful to me. *Real* knitters block.

Wish me luck!!

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365-89: working to get back into this.

Today didn't go quite as I had planned. The school nurse called me to say that DS1 was not feeling well and wanted to go home. Since I was on my way to the ped for DS2 and DD's WCVs, I swung by and picked him up. Turns out he has strep. Turns out all the rest of us do too.

So, tomorrow is a quarantine day. There'll be WAY more TV than usual (as our usual is none), I bought a new Playmobil thing, we've got lots of new birthday presents to play with...it's supposed to be rainy. I'm trying to reframe it by thinking that this perhaps explains a lot of the whining we've been having, and YAY for antibiotics. DH and I are on penicillin, DD is on azithromax and the boys are on Amox. I had to do the Mommy walk of shame, i.e., calling people and saying "sorry I exposed your kid to strep."Hopefully I'll be forgiven.

My big hope is that this will explain why I've not been sleeping, and once I'm feeling better, that'll clear up.

365-88: Time Flies

I'm really having trouble blogging these days, both about knitting and about gratitude. Why is that, I wonder. I'm not knitting at all at the moment. I need to bind off my sock but I finished it at library knitting. I have blocked Swallowtail yet, I'm scared too. I keep looking at yarn but I've got a stash, more than enough, so there's nothing I need.

It's not that I'm not feeling grateful, I am-though I think reconnecting to it on a daily basis would be good. In part, I'm feeling like I've not got much interesting to say. Life is sort of just rolling along. We're winding down the school year. DH is working too much and I'm not sleeping well, so we're good but tired. Sometimes I feel like my life is a bit small these days, you know?

So in the spirit of reconnecting to my gratitude, today I am grateful for:

• Motrin that works on my migraines;
• The beautiful Spring weather;
• Playdates that go smoothly!


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Location:Great Rd,Littleton,United States

365-87: Hello, My Neglected Friend!

So I wonder how many years it's going to take me to get through my 365?? :-)

I have so much to be grateful for. It's spring!! I got a weekend away and then took the kids away, both great trips. I have been knitting! I finished my sister's Swallowtail, just need to block it. I turned to the heel on an in-progress sock and I'm psyched to finish it. We got a swingset which is a huge hit. I'm feeling great about my family, blessed in my friends, and especially happy about the delicious moon pie I had tonight. Maybe I'll even get some sleep tonight??



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365-86: It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

It's days like today that make me absolutely LOVE New England. It's low 60s, not humid, glorious blue skies with little white clouds...just heavenly. Even better, I Got Stuff Done this morning, including a trip to the LYS when it occurred to me that all I really NEED are blocking pins, so ordering $50 worth of stuff from KP to get the free shipping didn't really make sense. When I got to preschool pickup, DD was *sound* asleep and I knew that if I woke her up to take her in, that would be it for nap today. We've got a long afternoon so she needs a nap. I asked my friend to bring DS2 out, and when she did, she invited him over for a play date. Nap survived the transfer, and I had about 20 minutes to myself before DS1 got off the bus. He's eating and playing downstairs, I'm getting somethings done for the weekend and then we'll get some good one-on-one time. Even more exciting, the playset is being delivered tomorrow! This afternoon we've got Karate and Soccer (too bad they can't be combined, karatesoccer sounds like it'd be really cool), and we're having pizza for dinner. All in all, I can't complain.

I'm grateful for Spring today, for the sun and the air and the flowers. I'm even grateful for the bees, although they make me nervous. I love seeing all the things we've planted coming up in the garden.

365-85: You can't always get what you want...

I like Mondays this school year. Oldest son is in K for the full day, so he's gone 8:30-3:30. Younger son has preschool 9-1. DD and I go to the chiropractor and tend to run errands. Today we had our friend G with us, whose mom had to go have some follow up tests. Amazingly for such small girls, they really love each other and get along well! G headed home around 11, and I came home from the preschool pickup with an extra boy for DS2. They had a fantastic time running around outside and grubbing around in the dirt while DD napped. It was a nice day.

I'm doing my typical over-thinking/over-analyzing thing around this whole church issue. I've been having some really good conversations, especially with DH. He said something really thought-provoking about how we can't recreate our own childhoods, and I realized that to a certain extant that is what I want, and that this is just not going to happen. Okay, pretty much all that follows is purely for my own pondering so you've been warned!

So, we visited the church in the next town over (I'll call this church GS). During the sermon, the priest stated that she has been asked to resign and during the coffee hour, a long-term parishioner said to me "The church is in turmoil right now." Hmm. That's...a bit disturbing. Now, one friend reminded me that the more on the inside of things you are, the more crises you see, but that it doesn't make a difference really to people who are showing up for worship. I've been looking at a church the next town over in the other direction (SM). So the GS church is 3.6 miles from us, and under a 1o minute drive. The CCOL was about 1.6 miles from us, and a 5 minute drive. The SM church is 5.4 miles from us and about a 15 minute drive. The gentleman I spoke to was very nice but there are a couple of things that concern me. They have about 60 active members, and they don't have a full-time rector because they can't afford one. My gut reaction of distress and resistance based on this info highlighted for me that I think part of what I'm looking for is a larger community. The GS church, for example, has no high school kids involved. The CCOL has a pretty active HSYG and kids teaching Sunday School.

If we're willing to go further, there are other options. Two towns over to the east is a church that sounds very large - they've got a Rector, associate Rector, many priest associates, a 40-person choir, etc. Is it too big for us? It's also in a town that's very very wealthy, and we're not (unless you count us globally then we are). We're not really country club upper-crust kind of people. It's also far, 10.5 miles and 20ish minutes. This is fine for Sundays but if we do things like join the choir, is it too far? Two towns to the north of us is a church that also sounds pretty big and vibrant. It's 9 miles, 14 minutes.

Obviously what we need to do is go out and check these places out. See how it feels to drive there. See how it feels to be there. I'm struggling with figuring out how to meet my own needs but not at the expense of my husband's needs.

Since I did use the 365 title on this, let me ponder what I'm grateful for. I guess I'm grateful to be part of a process around this stuff. I feel like it's been pushing DH and I to have some really good and intimate conversations, as we struggle to figure out what we want and needs - as individuals and as a family. I'm grateful to have a husband who's right in there with me. I'm grateful to have so many options as well.

365-84: Spring!!

It's fully spring here, which in New England seems to mean alternating 60s with close to 90 yesterday! There are many things I'm feeling grateful for right now. In no particular order:

• my garden. I'm a total neophyte gardener, but the fact that things are coming just delights me! I'm giving up on tomatos this year and I'm going for lots and lots if basil.
• Thursdays: my oldest is in full day today, and the other two are home. It's just nice to hang out and not HAVE to rush off. We are heading out in a bit to run errands but the timing can be flexible.
• Swingset: it's coming a week from today and they set it up!!!
• Knock wood, it looks like the kids are finally all sleeping better! Maybe we'll get my daughter to sleep through the night more than two nights in a row (which she's never done...yes, she's almost two).

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365-83: I know it's cliched...

But there's something about being on the receiving end of love from a toddler that's just remarkably lovely. My daughter came into bed with me this morning and snuggled in, whispering occasionally "Mama...Mama..." She's getting so big and independent, we're all about MY DO IT these days, so I just cherish these moments where I am her world. So much of parenting is teaching your kids how not to need you, how to let you go, and so often all I want to do is hold on.

I've been having so much fun with my little girl, we spent a while yesterday just sitting in the sun, soaking up the gorgeous Spring day, and laughing. I see my oldest off at Kindergarten, building a life outside our home, and my younger son set to head off in September. I try every day to find these moments of joy. It's not always easy, or doable, and I often forget. Days like yesterday remind me, all things change and flow, so be present in all the joy that's all around us.

And now I need to go clean up the animal crackers that my beautiful girl just dumped all over the floor. :-)


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365-82: Extra Kids

We're at the stage with the boys (6.5 and almost 5) that having an extra kid or two around actually makes it less work for me.

We send our kids to a coop nursery school. We've only done coops, they're a good fit for a family. The in-class work, though, can get challenging when you're juggling other kids. Today was my day to be in the class, so here's how the day went. Get up, do yoga, do all the morning stuff, get DS1 on the bus. Bundle DS2 and DD in the car. Drive to friend's house. Drop off DD, pick up their son. Remember it's a lunch day and I forgot to pack a lunch. Friend offers snacks and I accept. Take the boys to school. Spend the morning in the classroom. Friend drops DD off at 11:45, and she and I go home. Feed her, get DS1 off the bus at 12:25 (early release today), give him some food, go back to school and pick up Ds2 and friend. Come here, get DD down for nap. Boys are playing, somewhat harmoniously. Do some chores. Things get less harmoniously, separate DS1 out for a bit. Now I need to wake up DD, get all kids back into the car, go drop of friend then go to karate. We'll be home around 5, and it's occurring to me that I've forgotten to plan dinner. *eyeroll* All this work is really interfering with my bon-bon eating and story-watching. Because isn't that all stay-at-home-moms do? :)

So, today I am grateful that this play-date has gone relatively smoothly, so I've gotten some time to catch up on a couple of tasks that I've had hanging over me.

Knitting and Crafting

I've actually been doing some things other than pondering big life stuff and grieving.

I finished a prayer shawl. It's actually a little small, I'm wishing I'd done another pattern repeat. The pattern was this one, La La's Simple Shawl, and it is, indeed, very simple! I used Lion Suede and didn't have any of the color issues I've had with other skeins of this. This yarn is a bit less enjoyable to knit with, but does make a lovely cozy fabric. It appears to have been discontinued, I can't find it on their website. Ah well. I used two skeins of it, and had very little left, so another pattern repeat would have opened a 3rd skein.

I've been working a bit on my Forest Canopy shawl and I want to get my sister's Swallowtail shawl done too. A friend was asking for hat patterns for babies and now I want to cast on a baby hat even though I don't really have a baby anymore to knit cute little hats for!

I also was on a fleece sock kick. Not only did I make myself several pairs, I ended up making 17 pairs for Plurk friends. Yes, I'm a bit crazy but I did use up a whole bunch of my fleece! I used the Green Pepper pattern, and it's really good.

Sorry, no pictures at the moment. I've got some saved on my phone, maybe I'll do a phpto post from the phone in a bit!

365-81: Lots to ponder...

DH and I have lived in our town for 2 years, 3 months now. For me, it truly feels like home. I've got a wonderful and large group of friends that I truly love, and feel very connected too. It's rare for me to go to the grocery store without running into someone I know. I'm on the Board at the nursery school, I'm in the PTA, I'm involved in three separate knitting groups. I feel so lucky and blessed at the community I've been able to be part of here.

It's not the same for DH. He commutes into the city daily, which is 1 hr 20 min each way, and he's just not a commuter kind of guy. On the weekends, he spends time with his family, he works on the house, occasionally he gets some alone time. As the kids get older, our weekends are starting to get filled with their activities as well. Soccer on Saturdays, birthday parties, etc. I think DH feels like he hasn't really found his place here. In order to help facilitate that for him, we've been attending church.

We started at the local UU church, but just as we got there, the minister left, and then they took the summer off, we had another baby, and got derailed. When we talked about whether we were going to return there, I realized that regardless of where I am in my journey with religion, I needed my Church to have more, well God in it. I was raised Episcopalian but haven't been a participant in a long time. I was pretty serious about it as a kid and teenager, and even at one time wondered if I was called to the ministry. In more recent years, I've been quite drawn to Buddhism. DH was raised Congregational but is pretty firmly in the Atheist camp at this point. We're in really different places with this, which is fine. We decided to check out the Congregational Church in town. DH was drawn to it because "the parking lot is always full." And they do all sorts of things in the community.

We had a THING that we learned about the Church that had me questioning if it was the place for us, and while that was resolved entirely satisfactorily, I am feeling more and more strongly that while I really like the community and the people of this Church, it's just not the right fit for me spiritually. I am sure that the reason the Episcopal church feels right to me is simply because I was raised there, but I can't argue anymore that this is how I feel.

What does all this have to do with gratitude? Well, for one, I'm so thankful to live in a country where I can have this struggle, where we have freedom of religious choice, and I'm so thankful to live in a country where we have freedom FROM religion at all, where I don't have to lie about the fact that my husband is an atheist. In this current climate in our country, I feel that so many have lost the respect and tolerance for differing and opposing viewpoints. It's unfortunate. But anyway, I was talking about gratitude. So I'm thankful to have this freedom in my life.

I'm also thankful that I have the marriage I do, with the man I married. I'm thankful that we can have this difference, which is a deep one, and yet still be completely committed to each other and supportive of helping each other get our needs met. There's not a clear and easy answer to our dilemma here, but I know we'll work it out.

365-80: my sweet kitty

So things didn't go quite as expected today. We didn't end up putting my girlie to sleep, there's a couple of things we're going to try to attempt to boost her quality of life. It's weird, I'm still sad and worried. It's another profound lesson about living in the present moment. Being here now. I am reminded once more about what's important, and really, it just comes down to love. I have told my sweet kitty how much I love her, how lucky I am to have had so many years with her, and how grateful I am, how profoundly grateful I am for all she's taught me.

The other thing I am so deeply grateful for is the outpouring of love and support we've received. Not one person has suggested my grief is an overreaction, or that I should get over this because she's "just" a cat. Maybe some are thinking it but not one person has been anything but loving and supportive. I've gotten so many messages of sympathy and understanding of how hard this process is, I feel like I've got a lot of people who get it. But then, I'm an animal person and pretty much all of my close friends are animal people too.

And right now I'm grateful that I have my sweet girl sitting on my chest, purring softly.


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365-79: My sweetie

Today I am reminded once again why I married the man I did. He's an amazing partner, friend, father, love, and just an amazing, wonderful person.

365-78: 2010 so far...

It's not been so great. Lots of annoyances: sickness, pain, frustration and while we haven't had a major loss here (yet), friends suffering big losses.

It's easy to feel gratitude when things are going well. It's easy to count my blessings when things are smooth sailing and just simple, you know? It's these sorts of times when it gets tougher. And, I expect, much more important.

We're putting my darling cat to sleep on Saturday. We haven't told the kids yet. It's time. I had made an appointment a week and a half ago, then canceled it because it wasn't quite time, but now it is. She's losing weight so quickly, she's seeming more and more uncomfortable...it's time. I'm heartbroken about it. She and I have been together 16.5 years and she's been the constant for me. I'll miss her forever.

So today, right now, I'm grateful to have her with me, to have had such a good long run and to be able to ease her transition to the next phase of being, whatever that might be. I'm sure there is one. I love you, my sweet girl.

365-77: ew.

Something smells really gross in my laundry, I think it's spoiled milk. Sorry, you really didn't need to know that, I got distracted!

Today I'm really grateful for access to the CVS Minute Clinic. The lovely nurse had me in and out in 20 minutes, diagnosed my ear infection and gave me a script for amoxicillin. And they take my insurance, which I feel so fortunate to have.


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365-76: It's the little things.

We had a good morning. I managed to get everything moving early so we weren't crazy people at bus time. I got DS1 on the bus, DS2 dropped at Preschool, and went to my chiro appointment. A friend was supposed to come over but her baby is really sick so she's at the hospital with him. I really hope he's okay. So DD and I are hanging out. We had homemade sour cream coffee cake (pretty good) and I splurged on Chai and she had milk. She playing and I'm sitting, listening to the rain, enjoying a moment where we have nowhere to be but here. I should go clean the playroom, but you know what? It'll be there in 20 minutes.

I am grateful for these moments if peace in life that often feels so full and hectic.


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