After :)

Too much to think about!

1. We survived back-to-back birthday weekends! *phew* Of course my oldest was diagnosed with Strep 2 hours before my daughter's birthday party.

2. Tomorrow night I'll be participating in my town's Relay for Life, a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society. It's an overnight walk - and I've been assigned the 2 am slot for my team. I'd be a bit more psyched if it hadn't been so wet and rainy and depressing, and if I weren't getting over the cold from HELL, which has lasted a good 10 days now. I'm looking forward to it. I'm walking in honor of my dad, a 2-time cancer survivor, and many others. Particularly I'm remember a woman who had a profound influence on my life, who died of breast cancer.

3. We're signing up to host a Fresh Air Fund child this summer! The two coordinators came over and interviewed us and toured the house - which the kids had trashed, it's appalling. *sigh*

4. What else....OOOO, I'm cutting all my hair off on Saturday, I CANNOT WAIT!!!!! It's really long now:

I can't wait to have it GONE!

Enough with the gloom and doom!

Okay, time to focus on something fun! We're having a busy May in this household - DS2 turned 6 on Saturday! I can't quite believe it! He had 8 buds over for a party, and some wonderful sharing soul gave us all a horrible cold. :) And, my daughter, my baby girl, is turning THREE on this Saturday! Again, how is this possible? She's a total little person!! I am reminded again of how completely lucky I am, how wonderful they are. It's a bit challenging for DS1, who really likes to be in charge and have the attention, but it's a good life lesson to learn - sometimes it's NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. He's doing great but there's been some strain.

So - where are we at. It's mid-May, 6 more weeks of school and then it's all kids, all summer. I decided this year that instead of doing camps, we're doing classes. I think we do better with a regular schedule, and it's going to leave lots of free time for playing, swimming, hanging out. Hopefully the weather will cooperate!

I want and need to get motivated on my own crafting. I have a bunch of fleece socks to wash and send out, which is a bit of an organizational nightmare so I've been putting it off. I need to write up a cover letter and send in my CV for a job I'm interested in. I have lots more decluttering to do here, and of course, knitting/crocheting/sewing. I think I just need to pick on craft project and just commit to it, maybe an hour a day or so. I think I'd feel less overwhelmed if I were getting things done!

Sometimes life is just hard and sad.

I'm feeling both very thankful that all is okay in my immediate circle, but I feel like I'm hearing a lot of terrible news. A friend's husband died, another friend's mother died, another acquaintance has been diagnosed with cancer, and now a childhood friend of my husband's has committed suicide, while this woman's brother is, at most, days away from dying of ALS (at about age 45).

Suicide just breaks my heart, and makes me so, so angry. I don't even know who to be angry at, you know? It's not that I don't get being that depressed - I do. I really, really do. But I can't help but be angry at the people who succeed, about the devastation they leave behind. Angry at a world that crushes people so that suicide seems like the only possible option. Angry at...I don't know. Just angry. And sad.

I wish I had some sort of deep insight or faith, about why bad things happen. I'm not someone who believes every thing happens for a reason. I think sometimes horrible things just happen. I do believe we can learn and grow through pain, and that grace can come from terrible experiences, but that sure doesn't make it any easier, does it.

Uff da, as my swedish in-laws would say, downer of a post! I guess what I'm trying to hold on to is remember the joy in the world as well. It's not *all* pain - there's so much to love and appreciate, and that's important too. I guess that's what makes the pain bearable.

Where does the time go?

Today my youngest son is 6 years old. How is this even possible?? Next week, my daughter, my youngest child, turns 3. This feels really significant to me - she is now the age he was when she was born. My oldest will be 8 in September.

My youngest son is, in my completely unbiased opinion, just a wonderful soul. He's my snuggler, my peace maker. He's sweet, sensitive, funny, silly, smart, connected, and just an all-around lovely little guy. He's incredibly endearing. He has this sweet little voice, these huge blue eyes, and the brightest smile. He loves dancing, singing, dinosaurs, imagination games, his stuffed tiger, his tiger suit. We gave him an explorers outfit with accessories today, and he put it on to take a walk and had me take pictures of him demonstrating each thing (the lantern, the binoculars, etc.). Everyone who deals with him, as far as I can tell, really enjoys him. His teachers just love him and tell me all the time how sweet and wonderful they think he is. He's just a joy to be around, even when he's being a pill, and I cannot fathom life without him.

Happy birthday, my darling boy.