It's really Fall now.

We had Back To School night for our first grader, our first experience of this. Our oldest was *wired*, which was sort of good, in that it gave his teacher a chance to see his more...energetic self, shall we say. It's weird weather, hot and muggy and rainy. Hopefully tomorrow will dry out a bit so we can have soccer practice.

I met a couple of women at my bookclub this month who are knitters! It almost got me inspired to pick up needles...almost. What is my problem? :) I have been sewing. I just put together 4 pairs of fleece socks for myself. I have another cut out for me, and 5 pairs for a friend's son, who wants fun socks. Then I've got requests from some other friends. I have another hat for my daughter, and I need to do some mittens for her as well. Lots of projects.

I want to get re-inspired with my knitting. I think I'm not in a sock mood, which is mainly what I have on needles - that and lace shawls. What would be a good reconnecting project??

Here we go.

I just spent a bunch of time writing a post, all about pain and sadness and blah blah blah. I decided to delete it because I am just bored with it. For some reason this morning a bunch of stuff from the past kept cropping up in my mind. Memories of past losses, relationships that ended, professional disappointments, friendships lost.

Just like I spent too much time pre-suffering pain that hasn't even (and probably won't) come to me, I have historically spent way too much time in the past. Not to say that it's not a necessary part of healing and growth, but rather it's just something I do too much. There can be a fine line between processing and wallowing, and man, do I love a good wallow.

So, instead of trying to come up with some sort of profound insight that's really just a cliche (love's worth it! everyone has pain!), I am going to go DO something. I've got an unexpected chunk of time - my boys are in school ALL DAY today, both of them, and my daughter is sleeping the blessed nap. I think I'm going to go make some fleece socks.

And I'll just say on the gratitude front, today I am profoundly grateful for the health of my children. And little Karlee, I'm holding you in my heart, sweetie.

And a new year starts.

Like so many, especially those of us who spent a few extra years (okay, 8, but who's counting) in graduate school, the beginning of September really feels like the "new year." I know, it's still 2010, but it's a new school year! We start very late, tomorrow is the boys' first day of school. DS1 is *7* today, which I can't quite believe! How did this happen? 7 feels like a big one, like he's really making the transition from little kid to BIG kid. He's clearly had another cognitive leap of late, and having conversations with him is just markedly different than it was a few months ago. Because he's a September birthday, he's just starting 1st grade (our cut-off is Aug. 31), which is so good for him. I'm hopeful he'll have a good year. He loved Kindergarten and had a really successful year. I think (and hope!) 1st grade will be more challenging for him, and we're going to be working with the school to ensure that he gets the challenges he needs. DS2 is heading off to Kindergarten! This is just so bittersweet to me! He's my little love, he's such a snuggler and would happily be no more than a 1/2" away from me at all times if he had that option! I'm going to miss him. He'll be doing 2 full days and 3 half days, so he's not really gone quite yet, not the way DS1 will be.

We've had 24 hours of emotional highs and lows and highs again. We had a little party for Labor Day and invited 3 other families over. It was a *great* time, for me at least, and every one else seemed to have fun as well! There were 8 adult and 10 kids, ranging in age from 2 to 10. The kids all did great together, the adults all get along really well, it was fun. I feel like we turned a corner with DD this summer, now that she's 2. She's finally sleeping through the night, and she's so independent and social that I give her a tremendous amount of freedom. Freedom I sure wouldn't have given my oldest! I remember being with other moms when he was this age (of course, I had a 5 month old as well, which none of them did, which set me apart), and we all hovered so much! I've really changed as a mom, I'm much more relaxed. I'm still me, of course, which precludes actual relaxation, but I'm much better than I used to be!

The low happened when we didn't realize that the kids had left the slider out the basement open, and our escape artist cat got out and was just gone. We live right next to woods...with coyotes....that have been known to eat cats. I just panicked. DH is better at being in the moment and not presuffering too much, but I just freaked. Not simply because I love the little bugger and he's part of the family, but the kids *adore* him as well. And imagine, losing your lovely kitty on your birthday? I couldn't bear the thought of it. I was up most of the night, just out of my mind and sick with worry. He *did* turn up the morning. DH went out around 5:30 and found him under the porch, clearly freaked but fine. Thank you, to whatever benevolent power in the Universe heard my cries and guided him back to us.

So, today, I'm feeling utterly grateful that our sweet kitty came back. And I'm really really glad that school is starting tomorrow!

I've got some sewing projects on the brain. I'm going to do another round of fleece socks for my Internets, and I've got an idea for some fleece toys as well. So, after I get the boys on the bus, and DD and I go do her gymnastics, I think we'll hit Jo-Ann and see what they have in the way of fleece. I can't believe we're headed back into sock season!!!