365-86: It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

It's days like today that make me absolutely LOVE New England. It's low 60s, not humid, glorious blue skies with little white clouds...just heavenly. Even better, I Got Stuff Done this morning, including a trip to the LYS when it occurred to me that all I really NEED are blocking pins, so ordering $50 worth of stuff from KP to get the free shipping didn't really make sense. When I got to preschool pickup, DD was *sound* asleep and I knew that if I woke her up to take her in, that would be it for nap today. We've got a long afternoon so she needs a nap. I asked my friend to bring DS2 out, and when she did, she invited him over for a play date. Nap survived the transfer, and I had about 20 minutes to myself before DS1 got off the bus. He's eating and playing downstairs, I'm getting somethings done for the weekend and then we'll get some good one-on-one time. Even more exciting, the playset is being delivered tomorrow! This afternoon we've got Karate and Soccer (too bad they can't be combined, karatesoccer sounds like it'd be really cool), and we're having pizza for dinner. All in all, I can't complain.

I'm grateful for Spring today, for the sun and the air and the flowers. I'm even grateful for the bees, although they make me nervous. I love seeing all the things we've planted coming up in the garden.

365-85: You can't always get what you want...

I like Mondays this school year. Oldest son is in K for the full day, so he's gone 8:30-3:30. Younger son has preschool 9-1. DD and I go to the chiropractor and tend to run errands. Today we had our friend G with us, whose mom had to go have some follow up tests. Amazingly for such small girls, they really love each other and get along well! G headed home around 11, and I came home from the preschool pickup with an extra boy for DS2. They had a fantastic time running around outside and grubbing around in the dirt while DD napped. It was a nice day.

I'm doing my typical over-thinking/over-analyzing thing around this whole church issue. I've been having some really good conversations, especially with DH. He said something really thought-provoking about how we can't recreate our own childhoods, and I realized that to a certain extant that is what I want, and that this is just not going to happen. Okay, pretty much all that follows is purely for my own pondering so you've been warned!

So, we visited the church in the next town over (I'll call this church GS). During the sermon, the priest stated that she has been asked to resign and during the coffee hour, a long-term parishioner said to me "The church is in turmoil right now." Hmm. That's...a bit disturbing. Now, one friend reminded me that the more on the inside of things you are, the more crises you see, but that it doesn't make a difference really to people who are showing up for worship. I've been looking at a church the next town over in the other direction (SM). So the GS church is 3.6 miles from us, and under a 1o minute drive. The CCOL was about 1.6 miles from us, and a 5 minute drive. The SM church is 5.4 miles from us and about a 15 minute drive. The gentleman I spoke to was very nice but there are a couple of things that concern me. They have about 60 active members, and they don't have a full-time rector because they can't afford one. My gut reaction of distress and resistance based on this info highlighted for me that I think part of what I'm looking for is a larger community. The GS church, for example, has no high school kids involved. The CCOL has a pretty active HSYG and kids teaching Sunday School.

If we're willing to go further, there are other options. Two towns over to the east is a church that sounds very large - they've got a Rector, associate Rector, many priest associates, a 40-person choir, etc. Is it too big for us? It's also in a town that's very very wealthy, and we're not (unless you count us globally then we are). We're not really country club upper-crust kind of people. It's also far, 10.5 miles and 20ish minutes. This is fine for Sundays but if we do things like join the choir, is it too far? Two towns to the north of us is a church that also sounds pretty big and vibrant. It's 9 miles, 14 minutes.

Obviously what we need to do is go out and check these places out. See how it feels to drive there. See how it feels to be there. I'm struggling with figuring out how to meet my own needs but not at the expense of my husband's needs.

Since I did use the 365 title on this, let me ponder what I'm grateful for. I guess I'm grateful to be part of a process around this stuff. I feel like it's been pushing DH and I to have some really good and intimate conversations, as we struggle to figure out what we want and needs - as individuals and as a family. I'm grateful to have a husband who's right in there with me. I'm grateful to have so many options as well.

365-84: Spring!!

It's fully spring here, which in New England seems to mean alternating 60s with close to 90 yesterday! There are many things I'm feeling grateful for right now. In no particular order:

• my garden. I'm a total neophyte gardener, but the fact that things are coming just delights me! I'm giving up on tomatos this year and I'm going for lots and lots if basil.
• Thursdays: my oldest is in full day today, and the other two are home. It's just nice to hang out and not HAVE to rush off. We are heading out in a bit to run errands but the timing can be flexible.
• Swingset: it's coming a week from today and they set it up!!!
• Knock wood, it looks like the kids are finally all sleeping better! Maybe we'll get my daughter to sleep through the night more than two nights in a row (which she's never done...yes, she's almost two).

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365-83: I know it's cliched...

But there's something about being on the receiving end of love from a toddler that's just remarkably lovely. My daughter came into bed with me this morning and snuggled in, whispering occasionally "Mama...Mama..." She's getting so big and independent, we're all about MY DO IT these days, so I just cherish these moments where I am her world. So much of parenting is teaching your kids how not to need you, how to let you go, and so often all I want to do is hold on.

I've been having so much fun with my little girl, we spent a while yesterday just sitting in the sun, soaking up the gorgeous Spring day, and laughing. I see my oldest off at Kindergarten, building a life outside our home, and my younger son set to head off in September. I try every day to find these moments of joy. It's not always easy, or doable, and I often forget. Days like yesterday remind me, all things change and flow, so be present in all the joy that's all around us.

And now I need to go clean up the animal crackers that my beautiful girl just dumped all over the floor. :-)


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