Darn computer!

I had a whole long post going but my computer froze up and WHOOSH! It was gone. I was a bit demoralized, so I took a day to recover my strength and try again. Ha ha.

So much is going on, I cannot believe it's July on Wednesday, not to mention my 9th wedding anniversary!

In the knitting part of my life...I finished the knitting that had been giving me so much trouble. Clearly it's not a pattern I am meant to do, as each part was just FRAUGHT with difficulty. I couldn't get gauge, I couldn't keep track of my rows, apparently I forgot how to read in English, which is not only my native language, it's my only language...really, it was just bad. It's a gift, so I tried to imbue the project with love (you know, in between curses), but mainly I'm thankful it's done. It's also clear to me that knitting on a deadline is just not a good practice for me. It's odd, because as much of a confrontation-phobe as I am, I also really don't like being told what to do...even when I am the one doing the telling!! It's a problem. Anyway, it's done and in time, to gauge. More details when I can reveal them.

Now, while I was up in VT, I got to spend some time at a lovely LYS. I know, I know, I'm on a yarn diet! Except that I have no will-power. Some gorgeous purple Malabrigo came home with me (she had FOUR DIFFERENT SHADES OF PURPLE, oh my god, I thought I had died (dyed?) and gone to heaven but even I couldn't justify FOUR skeins!). And, she had some hand-dyed sock yarn in a base that must be similar to this, but dyed by her, in gorgeous light and dark blues and a bit of purple. It's so pretty, it reminds me of an evening sunset with the stars just starting to shine! I finished the above-mentioned project and immediately cast on a Swallowtail with this. I'm knitting it on size 5s, and I think it really works. I am just praying there's enough yarn. I have 420 yars, and I'm planning more of a scarf than a shawl. I've still got several socks in flight, and recently when cleaning my desk, I came across my Branching Out. *blush* And another lace project. I have entirely too many lace projects in flight, and not enough brain cells to complete any of them!

In non-knitting life...well, WHOA. I just feel like my head is spinning! We had our New England tour last week, which went very well, considering the potential for it to, well, not. We spent time with my family, we spent time with my husband's family. We're working with our oldest, who is quite social but is truly an introvert and needs alone time to recharge, on figuring out how to learn his internal cues so he can get what he needs without having to act out to get it. So there were some moments of challenge there. We're now back home. This morning was my older son's appointment at Children's in Boston to make sure that the bone anomoly thing really is just nothing and not some horrible SOMETHING. It's nothing. :) It was about a 5 minute appointment, where the doctor basically said "It's nothing, a variant of normal, don't come back, don't let the door hit you on the bum as you leave." My *favorite* kind of appointment! I slept very poorly last night, envisioning way too many "what ifs." Then, my husband suggested that DS1 and I have date day, so we did! We went to the Aquarium, had lunch out, and then rode the T for a very long time. Funnily enough, we ran into a good friend on the Green line! We stopped in Porter Square for some vitamins and then went home. I am exhausted!

Tomorrow begins our regular "hang out at the beach" part of the summer. We always see lots of friends there, so that'll be fun. Let's home the weather cooperates!

It is what it is.

So, one of the things that knitting does for me is that it gives me a lot of practice in facing reality. As I said to my lovely husband, it's hard to lie to yourself with knitting. You've either done it correctly, or you haven't. It's either 5 inches, or it isn't. You've either done the yarn over, or you've forgotten it. Now, an error doesn't necessarily mean a do-over. I can compensate for some errors. Not all, of course. As I've mentioned before, I do have my error threshold, and once I pass it, I need to redo or I'm just not going to be happy with the finished product. But, the thing is what it is.

This is very good practice for life. At the conference I went to in May, with the Dalai Lama, there was discussion about compassion and wisdom, as if they are the two wings of a bird. Without both, you can't fly. Wisdom in the Buddhist tradition, as I understand it, is related to seeing things as they actually are. For me, this is not always easy, as the world is often other than how I wish it were. Knitting allows me a wonderful practice in facing things are they are.

And now I have to reknit the damn project because a 1/2 inch too big is a 1/2 inch too big.

Cursed Knitting

I am working on a project that I can't really blog the details about, but I will say that I am cursed. It's something that's being knit with great love, and yet, as they say, love can only take you so far. It turns out skill counts for something too.

In this latest case, I managed to do the pattern just fine, this was an easy one, but somehow ignored the fact that my piece was a 1/2" too wide. That's a lot. I was just about DONE and ripped it out. *sigh* I need to get this done, and done right.

Other than that...we're on the mend here. We're fairly sure that DS2 does not have celiac, though we're waiting on lab results. We're fairly sure that DS1 does not have bone cancer, though we're waiting on our specialist appointment (the fact that we're not in as an urgent appointment is deeply, deeply comforting to me). We're mourning our sweet kitty, it's true. It's interesting though, while I have moments of intense sadness and grief (after all, she was my family for 15 years), I'm also realizing how hard it's been to see her failing for so long, and how worried we've really been. I am sad she's gone but I am so, so thankful that we made the call when we did. I think we could have made it without guilt a couple of months ago, but I don't think we could have gone much longer. She died still herself, not in pain.

I told my wonderful husband that "the universe will tell us when it's the right time to welcome some new kitties into the house." Two days later, our very good friends and neighbors rescued some kittens and were seeking homes for them. Hmm. I think that's the universe saying NOW!!! NOW!! So we leaped and now have two adorable little boys living with us!

Yes, it makes life more complex, more chaotic, more messy in all senses, to be sure. But really, isn't it the complexity and chaos that makes life so vibrant and so damn interesting?

Kittens!

It's been a hard week.

My oldest son got bitten by dog this week. In addition, he's got some GI stuff going on and had an x-ray, during the reading of which something "weird" was discovered on one of his bones. We're pretty sure it's not something horrible, but we'll be following up with Children's Hospital next week. My other son is having a minor surgical procedure this week, to test him for Celiac disease, but the procedure involves general anesthetic. And then, we had our amazing wonderful kitty, Miss L, put to sleep yesterday.

I'm not enjoying June so much yet.